About a Week at Home

Hi everyone- I know you've been wondering if we've dropped off the face of the earth or not. It has been a whirlwind of activity now that we are back at home, so I've really been too zonked to write anything by the time bedtime rolls around and we get a bit of peace and quiet.

Right now as I'm typing this, Mena is sitting on the couch, watching her first video in the "Your Baby Can Read" series, which was given to me by a friend on my Ladyboards. Unbelievable generosity out of the blue once again- she couriered me the entire series, word cards, booklets, plus a couple other videos of Sesame Street. I was interested in this program before the adoption as I thought for a child who already was fluent in one language transitioning to another, it would be a great help in catching up to other kids in her peer group. She has to relearn all the most basic stuff like body parts and colours, and names of food- so I thought it would be a charm on top of all the other things we are doing with her anyways. She's watched her video 4 times now, and she continues to amaze us by her grasp on language- but now you can see that she has clearly made a connection between the letters and words having meanings. Even in Kiev she was very interested in books, and would flip through newspapers or magazines sort of like an adult, pointing at things and whispering or shaking her head. Just doing the action of turning pages and being interested in the pictures was a great building block, now she's pointing to words and asking what they mean.

Sleeping has been a bit of a PITA the first week. Not only was jetlag to blame, but she had to get used to sleeping by herself (no Mommy in the bed like the hotel) and in a new bed in a strange room to boot. She started out by getting up at least half a dozen times a night plus hours of screaming, then it was about 4 plus more screaming, then 2 plus screaming for an hour straight; now mercifully, she is getting up one time to pee with no screaming at about 5am. It was absolutely hell on wheels. I can't tell you how mentally exhausted and just plain burnt out we were, but me in particular. I know some of you are probably rolling your eyes going, "Poor baby- 10 days of this, cry me a river." But it was 3 weeks of not even being away from her for even 2 minutes, we were like Siamese Twins in Kiev, with the rollercoaster of all the adoption stuff going on, and feeling like you had to be "on" for everyone, 24/7. There was no adult company over there, the apartment had minimal toys, I had no car to take her anywhere, we were out of money, walking anyplace was like going on safari- it was getting ugly by the end of it. (I would advise anyone who adopts internationally to make CERTAIN you have somebody with you there to the very end- even if it means having a friend or other family member come out for a week if they have any interest in doing so, if your spouse needs to go back to work. This would be my #1 piece of advice. And I am a well-seasoned traveller who is fiercely independent, and thrives on adventure.) So when she decided to scream for hours on end at bedtime added to that exhaustion & frustration when intellectually you know there is nothing wrong except the kid is overtired and fighting off sleep- not to mention you are dying for it yourself... I had a couple of days when I needed to just lock myself in the bathroom when Ois would take her just so I could cry alone with nobody pulling on a limb of my body.

A week later, and my beautiful blue light in the mornings has solved the problem. This was the blue light that I bought at Costco a couple of winters ago for Seasonal Affective Disorder that apparently sets your circadian rhythms when daylight is lacking- NASA uses it for the astronauts when they are out in space in the dark to keep their body clocks on schedule. I thought it was a bunch of hocus pocus, but Costco has a great return policy so I figured I'd give it a go. Needless to say it worked like a charm, and it was the first winter I didn't suffer depression. It also is made for travelling with set times they tell you to use it depending on if you are travelling east or west. So when we get up in the mornings, I put it on for about 20 minutes and we just go about our routine. You don't stare right at it, you just have it somewhere in your field of vision. It is bloody amazing. In 2 days of using it, Mena was sleeping right through the night properly. So was I. And the other new thing we've figured out is that when our little early bird rises, we've explained to her that she is to stay in bed and read books quietly. OMG, she is doing it! It has completely recharged all of us, and everything is much more fun when you aren't a cranky, walking zombie. Thank heaven for small miracles!

I'm going to leave it here for now, tonight is the first night of Hanukkah, so we've got some scooting around to do today to get ready. I also need to finish the mountain of thank-you cards I actually got to start yesterday so they can be mailed out. I will write about the plane ride home and the lovely (ha!) Immigration process at the airport- where they lost our bags and screwed up on our paperwork which delayed us after an already late flight for yet another 3 HOURS, and then finally getting home and walking through the door. That part was wonderful- the crazy excitement on her face when she saw the cats for the first time (and Mena had never seen a cat before in her life) was something both of us will remember forever! Pure magic! All's well that ends well, I guess.

A 25 Year Old in a 4 Year Old Body

With just days to go now before we're home, I wanted to bring Mena to a couple of places in Kiev before we leave. We'll definitely be back- hopefully sooner rather than later, but still I wanted a few pictures from this trip in particular.

Yesterday we went to Lavra. I really wanted to bring her to see the beautiful gold domed churches & to walk the grounds and hear the music. I wasn't so sure how she would do in the caves of the dead saints, so that wasn't going to be a sure thing. We had to take the metro, then a bus plus walk a fair distance, but she did great! She loved the crazily steep escalators and the bus was a hoot. When we arrived I explained that this was a special place and that she would have to speak very softly. Again, I needn't have worried- she was so perfectly good, we both got such adoring looks from the nuns & monks. The church itself was closed, so we just could go into the small adjoining chamber but they still had a couple of places for the thin beeswax candles and then beautiful golden pictures of saints and vases full of fresh flowers gently wilting in the soft light. She did so well that I thought she'd be fine in the caves, so down we went. She wasn't afraid of the dark at all and was completely silent. She was especially interested when I held my candle up to illuminate the ancient paintings of each 10th century saint over their glass coffin so she could see who was inside. Spiritually and artistically curious- this is totally my kid all the way.

Later that night I was craving sushi in the worst way. We've been eating at home all week on pretty "simple & rustic" food, as my dear husband would call it, so I decided it was time for a single treat. Kiev is littered with sushi restaurants, I guess with all the skinny supermodel types around, they need to eat something- so what could be better than 6 of them eying up a single piece of sashimi with their shared glass of water, right?

So we walked down to a place I've been looking at for days with my mouth watering, and we went there. As we entered the small glass vestibule before opening the door to the hostess area, I bent down to eye level with Mena & told her this was a restaurant, and that she'd have to use a quiet voice inside & that we were about to have a tasty supper. I could see the faces of a couple of waitresses inside no doubt going, "Oh no- what kind of idiot brings their kid to a sushi restaurant to run amok while people are trying to eat? Whatever. I just knew Mena would be great. The only thing I wondered about was if she would like the food.

We were seated at a booth at a window overlooking the busy street outside. It was dark so we watched the people coming home from work. I ordered a sampler of different types of sushi, and a skewer of teriyaki chicken for Mena just in case. Out of nowhere, Mena turned into a 25 year old on a dinner date. As we shared a bottle of sparkling water and waited for the food, I saw that under the table she had crossed her legs like an adult- honestly I don't know where on earth she got the idea to do this- there was no one around us that she could possibly see to mimic, and I wasn't sitting like that either! And then as we were talking, she was gesticulating with her hands like a movie star being interviewed. She is so funny!

She tried everything & loved most of it, save handing me back some of the chewier bits of seaweed wrap from the maki she was eating. I'm so happy that she is an adventurous eater- she is going to fit in just fine with our lifestyle and love of eating a variety of different types of food. I know God will probably pay me back for saying so one day, but I don't know what I would do with a picky eater. I can't help it, but I almost see it as a sort of character defect. Sorry everyone out there who has a kid who will only eat cheerios or food that is the colour red. I know our next kid will be like this just to serve me right.

In fact, I'd say Mena is almost too adventurous. I really have yo watch her like a hawk sometimes because she has some weird holdover behavior from the orphanage around food. Like, I've nearly not caught her in time from picking up bread off the street that pigeons are eating. Yikes. It's not that food was rare on the orphanage, it's more a case that with a dozen 4 year olds, you can't monitor what everybody is putting in their mouths 24/7. So if something falls on the floor & nobody is there to say no, you'll probably eat it. Or one of your friends will.

Also cooking in the kitchen together is a new thing for her too. In the orphanage, food was prepared in a large kitchen that was off-limits to the kids. So unlike a baby who grows up watching you prepare meals in their jolly jumper in the kitchen doorway, or a toddler who sees you make toast & eat it at the counter, none of these kids have ever had that family style experience of seeing what goes on in a kitchen. When food falls on the floor it gets thrown out- not eaten. Food that is in the fridge is clean, but food in the garbage is dirty. If nobody teaches you this, how would you know? So yes, I have caught Little Miss trying to pick individual kernels of corn out of the bin, and it was a disconcerting experience the first time. Now she has begun to understand though, so we're getting there. It's really funny how much stuff you take for granted when you raise a baby from infancy, compared to a child who not only has to learn a new language from scratch, a new home to live in, new people to live with, and then all the new rules about *how* to live in a family environment, and what is expected & acceptable. It's all trial by fire. And she is doing so well- how hard this must be for her and also how exhausting for her little brain & spirit to cope with, as well as all the normal kid things that all children have to deal with as small ever-learning people. I don't think I could do it if somebody plunked me down in the middle of a brand new life.

Back in Kiev

It's Tuesday morning, and I've got great news to report- yesterday I picked up Mena's visa from the Canadian embassy! FINALLY it's all over- finished, finito, done, complete. Adoption of one little monkey: Mission Accomplished! When we left the embassy yesterday, I wanted to sing it from the rooftops! Hey world, it's all over! Now we can get back to normal life again, but this time with our kid. Yippee!

I think so much time has passed since the train ride, and the fact that it's been practically impossible to write anything these last days as we've been getting used to each other & try to establish a routine, I'm just going to leave it at that. It was a 17 hour ride from where we got her passport back to Kiev. I have to say that Mena is a real trooper when it comes to traveling. She did better than me! She easily amused herself the entire way, slept easily, wasn't afraid of the non- stop motion or loud sounds, and generally enjoyed the new exciting experience. Mommy on the other hand, not so much. The iPhone ran out of batteries within 30 mins because I forgot to charge it before we left- I'm used to my dear hubby taking care of details like this as Technology King- I had dried barf on one pant leg that was soon to be accompanied by pee down the other as I insisted on doing train gymnastics in not letting Mena's bum touch the gross toilet seat. (One foot propped against bathroom wall, bent at waist, child hovering precariously over disgusting stainless steel toilet while train lurches and jerks like a mechanical bull. Etc.) When we finally arrived at our new apt in Kiev, all I wanted was a hot shower and a proper bed. Sleeping beside Mena is like sleeping beside a helicopter: limbs constantly in motion, plus the entire time I had visions of her falling off the narrow train bed so I slept in a fetal position scrunched up & occupying the least amount of space possible while Her Highness stretched out and slept like a starfish the entire way. 

In any case, our first couple of days alone in the new apt were something like a comedy routine. I'm by no means an idiot or totally inexperienced looking after small kids, as when my 2 youngest sisters were born I was already a teenager. However there are just some things that leave you feeling unexpectedly like a helpless idiot when left alone for the first time properly with your own new kid. Such as "safety valves" on the sippy cup. After reading the instructions in 4 languages and looking at the picture demonstration, nobody tells you that you need a frigging engineering degree to figure out how NOT to spill apple juice down your tits when you try to assemble the thing and test it 15 times before you give it to your kid. It was like a scene from a parenting movie where the idiot bachelor is forced to babysit a child for the first time in his life. 

Also, when you have oceans of time laid out in front of you, and you are well used to going with the flow of how you feel in regards to food, errands and recreation, it is a daunting thing to try and figure out what suits a small person who has now become your new sidekick. All I kept asking myself was WTF women ever managed to get the vote? Seriously. How? With modern conveniences like washing machines & running hot water & bakeries for bread & supermarkets for food & cars to ride in... How on bloody earth did anyone ever get anything done with ONE child, much less 8 or 10? I truly can't wrap my mind around it. I have to say that first day I felt like a miserable failure. I had grand ideas that we would walk on down to Kreshatyck Street and meander happily to the grocery store, a rainbow arching in the sky as bluebirds fluttered carefree above our heads and flutes played merrily somewhere in the background. It's only been a handful of days and already I'm laughing at my own breathtaking naivety. I completely overestimated how far anyone can possibly walk when 90 degree hills and 3 bags of groceries plus a hungry, overtired, and needing-to-pee-every-ten-minutes 4 year old are involved. Hey, I have a new team task for the creators of the Amazing Race! And add to that locating a CLEAN, NON-SQUATTING variety of a bathroom, free of bitchy little 20 year old salesgirls who pretend that they don't understand you when they see a near-hysterics child grabbing their crotch and crossing their legs repeating "Peezits, Mama! Peezits!" over and over again. There is a special place in hell for people like this, and all I wish for is that karma will happily visit them one day- and I hope especially for some wicked diarrhea with no toilet paper and no spare changes of clothes on top of it. See who will be laughing now, Miss Minimum Wage.

Mena had great fun in the grocery store as always- she loves to ride in the cart- and she sings and likes to hold things to "help". She also enchants every person who walks by, talking to them like her chirpy self and I should start carrying hand sanitized for all the cheek pinching and hand shaking that goes on. She is just full of confidence and happiness, and has no problems with making or holding eye contact with anyone, which is a very common problem with kids with her background. Again I credit all of this to the incredible care she received at the orphanage. This would be a very different kid had she been in another lesser facility. 

The only thing you have to watch out for is going too much on the other direction: being overtly and undiscriminately friendly with people & strangers. The other side of the coin is that the child feels they belong to everybody, because they belong to nobody, so to speak. So you have to be very careful with a kid like this- even more so than a child who is overly shy.  The last thing you want is your kid to feel like they can meet a stranger in a park and wander off with them. Although it may be hard to understand and sad for all the eager friends & family who are rightly dying to give cuddles & want to sit on laps, until your child is firmly attached the advice is to not allow this. Laps are only for Mommy & Daddy, and ditto for giving candy, too, they say. I think we're pretty OK with Mena though. 

When I get home I'm going to make a list of the best books on kids & adoption and post it. Lord knows I think I have read just about everything currently in print plus library books- some being very good & others pointless.

Major Blog Updates x 3

Just did an update dump from the last 7 days without the Internet. There are 3 really long posts, so go back and start from the first update. We'll soon be up to date on being here in Kiev, where we arrived last Thursday. We are now waiting to go to the Canadian Embassy tomorrow to pick up Mena's permanent visa, and we fly home on Sunday!

First Night in Hotel, Mukachevo

Midnight

It is now just after midnight, officially Sat AM. There is so much to update- Mena & I are back in Kiev, in a new apt, to wait out the last week before flying home! OMG, I truly can't believe it!!

Mena's first night in the hotel with me was Tuesday night in Mukachevo. We did all the paperwork somehow that day and went to collect Mena from the orphanage for the last time at about 5pm. I really wanted to rip the bandaid off quick, so to speak, so the plan was to go in, change her clothes to the ones I packed, take a few last photos of the people who weren't there the day before and leave with as little fuss as possible. As soon as I walked to the door Mena was freaking out with smiles and a bounce in her step. She knew today was the day! The other kids were much more subdued than I was expecting, which was weird, but made it a lot easier, admittedly. Only one little girl was hysterical, crying and crying, "Marika don't go!" over & over. Natasha did her best to calm her down as we all left the room. It was us, Nadia, another lady who cared for Mena before too, the sweet orphanage doctor, and the director. We went into another little room that looked like a relaxing room for maybe breaks, and the blonde lady who cares for the babies was chattering to Mena, and was helping her undress. I kind of wanted to dress her myself, as symbolically she was my daughter now, but then I figured you know what? Big deal- I'll have the chance to dress her forever after this- I'm OK that this lady who will never see her again wants to do it one last time. So I just stood back and let her do it. Everyone was smiling and we took a few pictures, there was excitement in the air but also some sadness. By the very definition of success at doing their job perfectly, it meant loss in the end result for the people who looked after & cared for our daughter. Success because they had raised a beautiful little girl who was happy, chirpy, trusting & smart, so now she was prepared to leave them forever.

Finally it was time to say goodbye and we all began walking down the long, dim hallway. Nadia carried Mena, and at the end, handed her to me for the last time. All I could croak out was "Thank you, Nadia, thank you," over and over again while we both were crying. I hugged her so tightly, and kissed her cheeks, and she kissed Mena goodbye & then she had to leave, it was too hard. Last hugs & more soft tears from everyone, and then we opened the door and stepped out into the newly dark night sky and the rain. 

I held Mena on my lap in the backseat as we drove to the hotel, captivated by my new daughter as I watched the streetlights flash gently into the car, illuminating her face like film slides as the rain splashed against the windows. She was looking out, taking in everything with no fear of traveling to doctors for more needles the way she was so terrified when we went to get passport photos done the previous week. We arrived and went into our room. She was fascinated by everything! The buttons on the TV! The remote control for the air conditioner! The biggest bed she had ever seen! The nightside table with a lamp! She scooted around checking all of it out as I watched, giggling. She jumped into the bed and pulled up the covers to her tiny nose and was laughing & smiling. I thought to myself, yippee, bedtime is going to be a piece of cake! (If I only knew what awaited...) The plan was to let her settle down, then go to the restaurant downstairs for some borsht, then bedtime. She was enthralled by the 2 budgies in the cage in the restaurant, and less a fan of the goldfish in the fountain that all scattered & bolted when our shadows loomed above them in the water. She ate really well, and I encouraged dip-dip bread into soup to fill her up even more. She drank some warm milk & was so happy. She had the waitresses utterly charmed, she was so cute!

We prepared for bedtime and she changed into her new pyjamas happily. But then realizing what comes after pyjamas, it all became real & scary for her and the meltdown started. She kept pointing at the door, and was saying the same thing over & over as she sobbed so heavily her entire little body shook. I walked around the room trying to calm her down in my arms, then I decided to go get Natasha. As luck would have it she was just coming up the stairs with a cup of tea when I opened our door, so she immediately came inside asking what was wrong; I explained. We all got into the bed and Natasha was a lifesaver. Honest to G-d, if she wasn't there, I don't know what I would have done. She whispered to Mena non-stop as she calmed down, and we lay in the now dark, the relief flooding through me was immeasurable. She said she was telling Mena a fairy tale, and poems- in between telling her she was OK. She said that when she was hysterical she kept repeating, "the children! The children!" like she had to sleep in her own little bed with all the other little kids in her group. Natasha said, "Don't cry, all the children are sleeping, you are the only little one still up!" which gently took her mind off things. Finally Mena became drowsy and it was safe for Natasha to leave, so she quietly closed the door. I asked Mena if she wanted to snuggle close to Mommy and she nodded yes, and scooted over while I cuddled her and smoothed her forehead (how my Mom always did for me- and how I loved that!) and she drifted off. Then she changed positions and put one tiny little trusting arm over my neck and fell asleep on her tummy, face down into the pillow. 

How scary this first night must have been for her, I can't even imagine. The next morning she awoke all smiles and we prepared to leave for the main town an hour away where the passport office was located. Natasha thoughtfully went to the corner shop & came back with a couple of bananas & some yogurts for us while I packed up the suitcases and got us ready to go. Mena happily munched away at her breakfast, then it was bathtime. I had helped with this at the orphanage so I knew the routine: each kid sat down in the shower stall and was hosed down, shampooed, and then scooted out in a towel- a very cute military operation for a whole army of 4 year olds! I one-upped the tradition by putting a bath matt in the shower so she could sit on that as it trapped a bit of heat from the water, so I thought. Then it was time to strip down and hop in. This is where the next meltdown started. 

I showed Mena everything was OK by getting in in my nightie, and spraying my feet with the showerhead, trying to encourage her to try it herself. Hot water was in short supply at the orphanage, so I was hoping that feeling the luxurious warm water would entice her in even more, but it was a no-go. Finally I had to resort to lifting her in as she cried. I tried to be as chirpy as possible, washing her hair gently, as she sobbed. Then I gave her the soap so she could wash herself, which she did through the tears. At last we were all done so I wrapped her in a warm towel and cuddled her, as we rocked together on the end of the bed and I whispered how proud I was of her, that she was OK, and that Mommy would be there forever to take care of her. The sobbing subsided, and I gave her a tiny glass of juice and we continued rocky-rocky-hush. Poor little mite.

We left the hotel on time and drove an hour to the passport office that literally was on the Slovakian border- if you looked over the hill in the parking lot you could see villages in the country. It was a good ride, through the beautiful countryside and the hour flew by. Until we were about 10 minutes away and poor Mena projectile vomited her breakfast up over everything. She had never been in a car  that long, and clearly it was too much for her. Barf all down her new pink little coat, down her jeans, on her shoes, and all over my leg. We pulled over and tried to clean up, again, wonderful Vladimir, a dad himself to 2 sons in their late teens/early 20's, proved again the type of kindhearted soul he was- rather than freaking out over his bawdy car, his only concern was little Mena, and he helped handing me tissues and getting water out of his trunk. I had to completely change Mena at the side of the road and was so thankful for pinching the entire roll of toilet paper from our room when we left! I had nothing else in the way of clean jeans to change into myself, so I had to wipe off my leg and continue on in the car. Thank my stars it wasn't stinky! That was a complete miracle in itself, and a good thing too because just as we were practically pulling into the passport office, she threw up all over again, including the children's Gravol pill I had just given her. Sigh.

To make a long story short, the 2nd absolute miracle that took place that day was the fact that Natasha the magician, somehow she managed to get us Mena's passport in 2 HOURS, a feat that can take up to 2 WEEKS in some regions! I honestly don't know how she does it, but she is such an experienced expert, again & again all I can say is without her, I don't know what I would have done. 

That meant that in the very afternoon we would be on the 17 hour train journey back to Kiev- zero waiting. We bought our tickets and left at 2:30pm. It was a rainy day, but before we boarded we stopped at a supermarket to get sandwich things & snacks & drinks for the train. It was Mena's first time in a supermarket and I would need another entire post to tell you how much fun it was to watch her take in more food than she could even get her mind around- especially the cookie section! She also hugged the deli meat counter. (And a spooky thing she did- we were looking at cookies when there was a lady in a leather coat with long auburn hair with her back towards us. I was carrying her, but she reached/pointed at the woman and said, "Mama?" so certainly that the other woman turned around. Remembering? Maybe so- we had seen a photocopy of her birth mother's passport photo, albeit upside-down on a desk and the hair did look similar. Mena was less than 1.5 years old though when she was placed in care and clearly this lady was too old to be a mother when she turned around. But it was interesting!)

Saying goodbye to Vladimir at the train brought more teary eyes- for all 3 of us. What a lovely man this guy was, and what a rock he was the entire time for us. Cheerful each & every day, nothing was ever a problem, he even went above & beyond & helped us go grocery shopping- helping us by speaking to people in the store when we would show him the Point-it book. He had very little English himself, so what a guy for stepping in to try & figure things out with us. And he knew money was becoming a serious problem, and in pure kindness we began to notice him "forgetting" to charge us for stuff like waiting the 2 hours at the orphanage etc. I hugged him so tightly as he wished us every happiness in our life with Mena, and every dream to come true for her future. I could barely speak I was so touched. We will never forget him or how good he was to us.

And so began the 17 hour ride to Kiev. 

Document Day. Allllllllll Day.

I'm writing from the car now & probably will be most of the day. It's 10am & we're in the process of getting Mena's new birth cert. Natasha has been up since the crack of dawn securing places in line & running around to the bank to pay for the documents. She has hopes of getting everything done today & being on tonights train back to Kiev! My role is chief breakfast-getter, cheerleader, & words of calm & appreciation. We've already hit a snag in the plans- a single letter in the court decree was spelled wrong in the date, so she had to go all the way back to court to get a new copy of the entire thing. Then back to the birth cert office where she was dying of embarrassment because we sailed by an entire roomful of grumpy people giving us major stink eye for bypassing the line. What they didn't know is that she was second on line since this morning. Then we got there only to find out that the court did not send a copy of the judgement of parental termination last year... So after a flurry of phone calls, back to the courthouse we went to get this document, & this is where we are now, Vladimir the ever-patient driver & myself waiting in the car. See, this is all the stuff you don't know about that happens behind the scenes, & it's part of the reason that the expense of adoption is what it is. Everybody works so hard & has to be so meticulous every step of the way- and something will invariably happen like this. Murphy's law & all that. I said it's the same in Canada- it depends mostly on the mood of the person behind the desk & if you happen to get somebody who is willing to overlook little mistakes or not. Though not having parental termination is basically impossible to overlook! LOL. So after we get this, its back to the birth cert office we go to barge past the line again. I said if Natasha felt bad that I would go first like the dopey tourist who doesn't know any better so people could mutter angrily about me, ha. 

(Did I ever mention how much I'm going to miss Ukrainian radio stations? OMG, greatest music EVER! There is just a blend of really bizarre music from the early 80's that is unknown in North America- and I worked for a record store for years! Some of it seems to be Europop, some of it is English new wave that never made it across the pond, and the best is Ukrainian copycat versions of stuff like Pet Shop Boys... but the lyrics are pretty crazy & don't always make sense. Like chanting "Armani! Armani! Let's self-destruct! I've got a lover who will dance with me!" My fingers are sooo crossed that I can get Radio Carpathia at home on the Internet!) One of the best memories in fact was this time when Vladimir was taking Ois & myself to the orphanage & there was a Tina Turner marathon on, and we started singing in the car, so Vladimir turned the radio up louder and he was laughing at us. He thought we were bonkers, but he said, "Ah! The Tina Turner- good!" and we carried on the entire way. Such fun! I love Vladimir.

Jumping ahead to the end of the day, we got everything done eventually, although it took the entire day because after all the running around back & forth to the courthouse Natasha caught *another* mistake in the paperwork at the birth cert place- they spelled my last name wrong, and they had to retype it all again. And it took forever. 

I'm going to break there, and tell about Mena's first night in the hotel next, as I'm now catching up on all of this 4 days later!

The Long Goodbye

Yesterday morning Natasha arrived on the train, it was great to see her again! She has such energy, by 9am she had already been to court to pick up the decree, made an appt for the birth cert office for tomorrow, and scouted out the tax office also for tomorrow. She is just so unbelievably organized, I don't know how she does it. A real pro!

The only hitch in the plan was that the court made a mistake in the dates, miscounting the weekend, so the decree won't be ready to be picked up until tomorrow. In any case it gave us an extra day to prepare, so she suggested we do our goodbye party for the kids today so tomorrow isn't such an emotional overload, which was a genius idea. So we loaded up the car with the million pounds of grapes I bought, apple juice & 2 big bags of cookies for the kids. We also brought a cake for the ladies, then I had a special gift for Nadia, and the Director. I spent the morning making a card for Nadia & writing a heartfelt letter of gratitude for all she's done for Mena, which I gave to her privately & Natasha translated. She was surprised at the gift and gave me a giant bear hug & when Natasha read her the letter there were tears involved, so I think I did an OK job at telling her how blessed Mena was to have been raised by her and that we would never forget what an important person she has been in her life. I didn't know this but Nadia & Mena actually have the same birthday, so we will always think of her on that day, and I said we'd be sure to blow out a candle for her too.

The kids had a feast of grapes- when they saw the enormous bag, all their eyes were as wide as saucers! Indeed the lady at the market stall was pretty startled as I kept telling her to add more, more, more to the scale! I'm positive she thought I was either insane, or that I just confirmed every legend ever heard about the beast-like North American tourist who eats for pure recreation. In any case the kids were very, very excited! It was such fun watching them dig in & enjoy their treats- so many that they will have a 2 day grape feast! A few ladies came by to say goodbye to Mena, it was really amazing to me how connected everyone is to her- from caretakers in other groups, to assistants, to the cooks- everyone knew her name & gave hugs & kisses. I knew this was a pretty special orphanage, but watching every person want to properly say goodbye & wish her well really touched my heart. It is yet another testament to the passion & love for the children these amazing women have, and how hard the Director works to ensure that every child matters individually under  her care.

Before we went in to Mena's group we met privately with the Director to give her the customary donation for the orphanage, and also just to sit and talk for a few minutes, and present her with the gift I bought for her- a pretty china set of espresso cups. She was very touched, and I also got the chance to tell her what a wonderful job she has done with the kids in her care, and how impressed we have been by every person we have come in contact with from her staff. I said that if Ukraine needed an example of a children's home that all others should be modeled upon, it is her facility. She graciously thanked me for the compliment and said she was so pleased to hear that about her staff. She was also very proud that the wife of the previous President of Ukraine had visited the orphanage herself 2 years ago and she showed me a special wooden tri-folding picture of some saints that she was given as a gift. I admired it and said it was very impressive that the First Lady had come to visit her personally. She asked if I had seen any other orphanages while here and I said we had, an unfortunately it was a very different experience, and left it at that. She understood.

I asked if it would be possible to have the dress Mena was wearing the day we met and she said yes of course. That was incredibly nice- I have heard of other parents asking and being told no, even when they brought something new to trade, which I also prepared. So now Mena will have this keepsake too which I am so happy about! She also smiled and asked if we really loved Mena. It was my turn to do pigeon hands as I began to get teary and I said she has become the light of our lives- and every time I think of her I feel like my heart will fly out of my chest. We all sat quietly for a moment, and I believe that the 3 of us were thinking about what a bright future our daughter has in front of her. Then a funny story was shared: When Nadia and some of the other ladies were around, they asked Mena what she thought of her new Mama. She deftly replied, "Well I love my Mama but I don't know always what she's talking about!" Classic Mena!

Really, the rest of the afternoon was spent playing with the kids (it seems 4 plastic Barbie cell phones were found which caused pandemonium- they all made noise to drive a person crazy, Natasha said Mena was pretending to talk to Daddy, telling him she was going to bring him a cake, LOL) and also asking some last minute questions about routines: bedtimes, favorite foods, naps, etc. I also spoke to the Director about one little boy who has captured my heart- with the moratorium on international adoption passed, the future is very uncertain, but there are summer programs where some children are selected to visit Canada to stay with a family for a few weeks, and I said that if this particular little boy could enter this program, we would be very interested in hosting him. He is just the loveliest kid- calm, even tempered, kind, bright, and he gets on well with Mena. I wish we could take him too. He is also 4, but he's more advanced than Mena in language, I think he's probably ready for kindergarten even right now. I absolutely adore him, it's going to be heartbreaking to leave him behind.

So tomorrow we will spend the day running around from court to notary to office to office, and perhaps also to the main town about an hour away to hand in the passport application. Natasha says that best case scenario, we may be able to leave for Kiev right away & that rather than picking up the passport in a few days when it is ready, that perhaps they will allow it to be sent on to Kiev via courier... which would be AMAZING as it would save a few hundred dollars of waiting here when we could be getting on with all the other stuff that has to happen in Kiev before we can fly home.

It is hard to believe, but our time here is really coming to an end. I actually feel a lump in my throat when I think about this, because this has been the greatest experience of my life so far. I have really come to love this country, and to get to experience my own culture and better understand where I come from has been so deeply powerful for me; as well as being united with our daughter. And to do all of this surrounded & supported by the people we have been so fortunate to meet who have been on our side every step of the way... I can't even tell you how lucky & blessed we have been. I go to bed thinking about that, and I wake up thinking about it too.