Day 10!

Today is D-day! We've made it to day 10, which means that today by Ukrainian law we are now Mena's "real" parents forever. For those of you scratching your head out there wondering why it seems every so often I come out with, "today is officially blah blah, so now we're a family" only later to basically say the same thing again- well parental recognition in adoption comes in stages through law. When you get your court date & the judge declares the decree, that's 50% of it. Still things could go wrong even then though it's pretty rare, like some family member pops up out of the woodwork to say they contest the adoption which would mean a legal headache & battling it out in additional court appearances. But Day 10 is truly the real McCoy. After 10 days if nobody contests the adoption, then everything is over. Finished. Done! Legally today we now take over the role as parents from the state & nobody can do anything to stop it. On Tuesday we will be issued with a new birth cert that lists us as Mena's parents & the old one will be destroyed.  (Tip for prospective parents out there: ask to make a scan or a photocopy of the old document, as you'll never see it again, and someday your child might be interested in seeing it. It does have info about original birth parents on it.) 

In actuality I could demand to remove Mena from the orphanage today, but we're going to wait till tomorrow, just because the Director does not work on the weekend, and there are a couple of loose ends Natasha needs to tie up. Also I would rather wait till Natasha arrives tomorrow morning for her excellent translation skills. This will be a day I want to make sure I understand completely for all the things that will be happening.

The main caretaker for Mena's playgroup is a tall, blonde lady named Nadia. She is in her late 40's I think, and she wears Ysatis perfume- I wear that one too in the winter. That may be a powerful sensory memory for Mena later though, so I may give it a miss this year. In any case, through our mangled communication that mostly consists of mimed gestures, it has come to light that Nadia has taken care of Mena since the day she arrived  as a baby of 1.5 years old. It has been Nadia who taught her to walk, to speak her first words, and who has been there to watch her grow. Yesterday I got Natasha to translate over the phone a special favor I asked from Nadia. I bought a card that was a congratulations one, and my plan was to ask Nadia if she would write Mena a little letter inside: maybe a cute story about when she was a baby, or a special wish for her in her new life and family. Because I will have no baby stories to tell Mena when she eventually asks later on, I think it is important to be able to provide some sort of connection for her to someone who was there for her at this time; to know she was special & loved all along, and not just "rejected". When she is able to understand this with a bit more sophistication, we'll be able to give her this letter as "proof". I hope it will provide some comfort- both for her but also for Nadia too, so she knows she will never be forgotten in Mena's life. She is the reason Mena is such a happy, carefree and loving kid today and not a frightened, deeply sad little girl who is unable to trust. I count it as a miracle that Mena was so fortunate to be under her care.

Anyhow, when I asked Nadia if she will be there on Momday, she said yes, but I don't think she knew why I was asking. I said, "Mena & Mama go bye-bye," and a look of surprise crossed her face just for a split second before she caught herself and regained composure. I don't think anybody told her, though she knew the day was obviously coming. She hugged Mena and made the gesture of tears on her own face, and said in Ukrainian what I pieced together as she wanted to know of she could take a photo of her & Mena because she wanted to put it in a big frame at home. I nodded yes, of course, and also gestured that in Canada, we would be sure to write her letters and send more photos as Mena got older. Monday is going to be very tough, emotionally for everybody. I have grown to really love all the kids- I've kissed skinned knees, dried hair after bathtime, helped put on coats, shoes & pyjamas, and have given a million hugs & kisses. Each of those kids are so deserving and so precious, all I can do is wish them every happiness for whatever lies ahead in the future. Until then it is a comfort that they are in a good place getting fed well and being looked after by people who genuinely like children, and who care for them. For some of them, living at the orphanage is even better than living at home where severe poverty is the issue: here they eat 3 meals a day plus snacks, have warm clothing and sleep in warm beds. For some, living in the orphanage is a luxury. It is a sad reality. 

Today I am on a fruit buying quest! By walking to the orphanage all this week and eating sparingly, I have saved about $85 which I will be spending on piles of grapes like a Roman feast, and fruit juice, and bananas, and cookies! Plus a nice cake for the ladies and a gift for Nadia. I bought her a fine set of bone china tea cups & saucers packed in a beautiful round hatbox as a keepsake from Mena. We are going to go out with a bang! I will also write her a personal letter of thanks for the incredible start in life she has given our  daughter. 

And the one last thing that I did was buy a brand new dress for the orphanage. I am going to ask if they will accept it as a trade for the red dress Mena wore the first day we met. I would like her to have something to keep as a memory from her previous life. It's another thing she may be interested in when she gets older. Plus I am taking a little vial of earth from the orphanage, and a few flowers that  I will press in a book. I hope I am not forgetting anything else I could do. I think we will absolutely come back and visit one day, but who knows if the orphanage will still be there, or in the same lovely condition as it is currently. Tomorrow is going to be both happy and sad, so I'm going to try to make it as happy as possible.