The Long Goodbye

Yesterday morning Natasha arrived on the train, it was great to see her again! She has such energy, by 9am she had already been to court to pick up the decree, made an appt for the birth cert office for tomorrow, and scouted out the tax office also for tomorrow. She is just so unbelievably organized, I don't know how she does it. A real pro!

The only hitch in the plan was that the court made a mistake in the dates, miscounting the weekend, so the decree won't be ready to be picked up until tomorrow. In any case it gave us an extra day to prepare, so she suggested we do our goodbye party for the kids today so tomorrow isn't such an emotional overload, which was a genius idea. So we loaded up the car with the million pounds of grapes I bought, apple juice & 2 big bags of cookies for the kids. We also brought a cake for the ladies, then I had a special gift for Nadia, and the Director. I spent the morning making a card for Nadia & writing a heartfelt letter of gratitude for all she's done for Mena, which I gave to her privately & Natasha translated. She was surprised at the gift and gave me a giant bear hug & when Natasha read her the letter there were tears involved, so I think I did an OK job at telling her how blessed Mena was to have been raised by her and that we would never forget what an important person she has been in her life. I didn't know this but Nadia & Mena actually have the same birthday, so we will always think of her on that day, and I said we'd be sure to blow out a candle for her too.

The kids had a feast of grapes- when they saw the enormous bag, all their eyes were as wide as saucers! Indeed the lady at the market stall was pretty startled as I kept telling her to add more, more, more to the scale! I'm positive she thought I was either insane, or that I just confirmed every legend ever heard about the beast-like North American tourist who eats for pure recreation. In any case the kids were very, very excited! It was such fun watching them dig in & enjoy their treats- so many that they will have a 2 day grape feast! A few ladies came by to say goodbye to Mena, it was really amazing to me how connected everyone is to her- from caretakers in other groups, to assistants, to the cooks- everyone knew her name & gave hugs & kisses. I knew this was a pretty special orphanage, but watching every person want to properly say goodbye & wish her well really touched my heart. It is yet another testament to the passion & love for the children these amazing women have, and how hard the Director works to ensure that every child matters individually under  her care.

Before we went in to Mena's group we met privately with the Director to give her the customary donation for the orphanage, and also just to sit and talk for a few minutes, and present her with the gift I bought for her- a pretty china set of espresso cups. She was very touched, and I also got the chance to tell her what a wonderful job she has done with the kids in her care, and how impressed we have been by every person we have come in contact with from her staff. I said that if Ukraine needed an example of a children's home that all others should be modeled upon, it is her facility. She graciously thanked me for the compliment and said she was so pleased to hear that about her staff. She was also very proud that the wife of the previous President of Ukraine had visited the orphanage herself 2 years ago and she showed me a special wooden tri-folding picture of some saints that she was given as a gift. I admired it and said it was very impressive that the First Lady had come to visit her personally. She asked if I had seen any other orphanages while here and I said we had, an unfortunately it was a very different experience, and left it at that. She understood.

I asked if it would be possible to have the dress Mena was wearing the day we met and she said yes of course. That was incredibly nice- I have heard of other parents asking and being told no, even when they brought something new to trade, which I also prepared. So now Mena will have this keepsake too which I am so happy about! She also smiled and asked if we really loved Mena. It was my turn to do pigeon hands as I began to get teary and I said she has become the light of our lives- and every time I think of her I feel like my heart will fly out of my chest. We all sat quietly for a moment, and I believe that the 3 of us were thinking about what a bright future our daughter has in front of her. Then a funny story was shared: When Nadia and some of the other ladies were around, they asked Mena what she thought of her new Mama. She deftly replied, "Well I love my Mama but I don't know always what she's talking about!" Classic Mena!

Really, the rest of the afternoon was spent playing with the kids (it seems 4 plastic Barbie cell phones were found which caused pandemonium- they all made noise to drive a person crazy, Natasha said Mena was pretending to talk to Daddy, telling him she was going to bring him a cake, LOL) and also asking some last minute questions about routines: bedtimes, favorite foods, naps, etc. I also spoke to the Director about one little boy who has captured my heart- with the moratorium on international adoption passed, the future is very uncertain, but there are summer programs where some children are selected to visit Canada to stay with a family for a few weeks, and I said that if this particular little boy could enter this program, we would be very interested in hosting him. He is just the loveliest kid- calm, even tempered, kind, bright, and he gets on well with Mena. I wish we could take him too. He is also 4, but he's more advanced than Mena in language, I think he's probably ready for kindergarten even right now. I absolutely adore him, it's going to be heartbreaking to leave him behind.

So tomorrow we will spend the day running around from court to notary to office to office, and perhaps also to the main town about an hour away to hand in the passport application. Natasha says that best case scenario, we may be able to leave for Kiev right away & that rather than picking up the passport in a few days when it is ready, that perhaps they will allow it to be sent on to Kiev via courier... which would be AMAZING as it would save a few hundred dollars of waiting here when we could be getting on with all the other stuff that has to happen in Kiev before we can fly home.

It is hard to believe, but our time here is really coming to an end. I actually feel a lump in my throat when I think about this, because this has been the greatest experience of my life so far. I have really come to love this country, and to get to experience my own culture and better understand where I come from has been so deeply powerful for me; as well as being united with our daughter. And to do all of this surrounded & supported by the people we have been so fortunate to meet who have been on our side every step of the way... I can't even tell you how lucky & blessed we have been. I go to bed thinking about that, and I wake up thinking about it too.

The Long Goodbye

The Long Goodbye

Yesterday morning Natasha arrived on the train, it was great to see her again! She has such energy, by 9am she had already been to court to pick up the decree, made an appt for the birth cert office for tomorrow, and scouted out the tax office also for tomorrow. She is just so unbelievably organized, I don't know how she does it. A real pro!

The only hitch in the plan was that the court made a mistake in the dates, miscounting the weekend, so the decree won't be ready to be picked up until tomorrow. In any case it gave us an extra day to prepare, so she suggested we do our goodbye party for the kids today so tomorrow isn't such an emotional overload, which was a genius idea. So we loaded up the car with the million pounds of grapes I bought, apple juice & 2 big bags of cookies for the kids. We also brought a cake for the ladies, then I had a special gift for Nadia, and the Director. I spent the morning making a card for Nadia & writing a heartfelt letter of gratitude for all she's done for Mena, which I gave to her privately & Natasha translated. She was surprised at the gift and gave me a giant bear hug & when Natasha read her the letter there were tears involved, so I think I did an OK job at telling her how blessed Mena was to have been raised by her and that we would never forget what an important person she has been in her life. I didn't know this but Nadia & Mena actually have the same birthday, so we will always think of her on that day, and I said we'd be sure to blow out a candle for her too.

The kids had a feast of grapes- when they saw the enormous bag, all their eyes were as wide as saucers! Indeed the lady at the market stall was pretty startled as I kept telling her to add more, more, more to the scale! I'm positive she thought I was either insane, or that I just confirmed every legend ever heard about the beast-like North American tourist who eats for pure recreation. In any case the kids were very, very excited! It was such fun watching them dig in & enjoy their treats- so many that they will have a 2 day grape feast! A few ladies came by to say goodbye to Mena, it was really amazing to me how connected everyone is to her- from caretakers in other groups, to assistants, to the cooks- everyone knew her name & gave hugs & kisses. I knew this was a pretty special orphanage, but watching every person want to properly say goodbye & wish her well really touched my heart. It is yet another testament to the passion & love for the children these amazing women have, and how hard the Director works to ensure that every child matters individually under  her care. 

Before we went in to Mena's group we met privately with the Director to give her the customary donation for the orphanage, and also just to sit and talk for a few minutes, and present her with the gift I bought for her- a pretty china set of espresso cups. She was very touched, and I also got the chance to tell her what a wonderful job she has done with the kids in her care, and how impressed we have been by every person we have come in contact with from her staff. I said that if Ukraine needed an example of a children's home that all others should be modeled upon, it is her facility. She graciously thanked me for the compliment and said she was so pleased to hear that about her staff. She was also very proud that the wife of the previous President of Ukraine had visited the orphanage herself 2 years ago and she showed me a special wooden tri-folding picture of some saints that she was given as a gift. I admired it and said it was very impressive that the First Lady had come to visit her personally. She asked if I had seen any other orphanages while here and I said we had, an unfortunately it was a very different experience, and left it at that. She understood.

I asked if it would be possible to have the dress Mena was wearing the day we met and she said yes of course. That was incredibly nice- I have heard of other parents asking and being told no, even when they brought something new to trade, which I also prepared. So now Mena will have this keepsake too which I am so happy about! She also smiled and asked if we really loved Mena. It was my turn to do pigeon hands as I began to get teary and I said she has become the light of our lives- and every time I think of her I feel like my heart will fly out of my chest. We all sat quietly for a moment, and I believe that the 3 of us were thinking about what a bright future our daughter has in front of her. Then a funny story was shared: When Nadia and some of the other ladies were around, they asked Mena what she thought of her new Mama. She deftly replied, "Well I love my Mama but I don't know always what she's talking about!" Classic Mena!

Really, the rest of the afternoon was spent playing with the kids (it seems 4 plastic Barbie cell phones were found which caused pandemonium- they all made noise to drive a person crazy, Natasha said Mena was pretending to talk to Daddy, telling him she was going to bring him a cake, LOL) and also asking some last minute questions about routines: bedtimes, favorite foods, naps, etc. I also spoke to the Director about one little boy who has captured my heart- with the moratorium on international adoption passed, the future is very uncertain, but there are summer programs where some children are selected to visit Canada to stay with a family for a few weeks, and I said that if this particular little boy could enter this program, we would be very interested in hosting him. He is just the loveliest kid- calm, even tempered, kind, bright, and he gets on well with Mena. I wish we could take him too. He is also 4, but he's more advanced than Mena in language, I think he's probably ready for kindergarten even right now. I absolutely adore him, it's going to be heartbreaking to leave him behind.

So tomorrow we will spend the day running around from court to notary to office to office, and perhaps also to the main town about an hour away to hand in the passport application. Natasha says that best case scenario, we may be able to leave for Kiev right away & that rather than picking up the passport in a few days when it is ready, that perhaps they will allow it to be sent on to Kiev via courier... which would be AMAZING as it would save a few hundred dollars of waiting here when we could be getting on with all the other stuff that has to happen in Kiev before we can fly home.

It is hard to believe, but our time here is really coming to an end. I actually feel a lump in my throat when I think about this, because this has been the greatest experience of my life so far. I have really come to love this country, and to get to experience my own culture and better understand where I come from has been so deeply powerful for me; as well as being united with our daughter. And to do all of this surrounded & supported by the people we have been so fortunate to meet who have been on our side every step of the way... I can't even tell you how lucky & blessed we have been. I go to bed thinking about that, and I wake up thinking about it too.

Old Mother Hubbord

With about 2 weeks left now, we are in the home stretch. It's been an experience of highs and lows, but absolutely many, many more highs thank G-d. We have really been so fortunate along the way. I know I keep repeating this like a parrot because it's true! It has been a happy and also a humbling experience, one that has changed our life more than for the obvious reason. And I'm so pleased that I've been able to share it all with you.

I intend to keep doing updates even when we get home, mainly because that's when the real parenting of an adopted child will come in, and my wish is that if I can provide some sort of information that would perhaps cause someone else to consider this way of expanding their own family by adoption, it will all be worth it.

If you have enjoyed this small slice into this crazy world, and you feel like you'd like to make a contribution towards our adoption journey, we have a Paypal account that has become a bit of a lifeline for us. And mortifyingly, after what will be 12 weeks here by the time we can finally go home, we are in need a bit of a miracle. How's that for humbling? Yikes.

thecosmicangel@hotmail.com

Day 10!

Today is D-day! We've made it to day 10, which means that today by Ukrainian law we are now Mena's "real" parents forever. For those of you scratching your head out there wondering why it seems every so often I come out with, "today is officially blah blah, so now we're a family" only later to basically say the same thing again- well parental recognition in adoption comes in stages through law. When you get your court date & the judge declares the decree, that's 50% of it. Still things could go wrong even then though it's pretty rare, like some family member pops up out of the woodwork to say they contest the adoption which would mean a legal headache & battling it out in additional court appearances. But Day 10 is truly the real McCoy. After 10 days if nobody contests the adoption, then everything is over. Finished. Done! Legally today we now take over the role as parents from the state & nobody can do anything to stop it. On Tuesday we will be issued with a new birth cert that lists us as Mena's parents & the old one will be destroyed.  (Tip for prospective parents out there: ask to make a scan or a photocopy of the old document, as you'll never see it again, and someday your child might be interested in seeing it. It does have info about original birth parents on it.) 

In actuality I could demand to remove Mena from the orphanage today, but we're going to wait till tomorrow, just because the Director does not work on the weekend, and there are a couple of loose ends Natasha needs to tie up. Also I would rather wait till Natasha arrives tomorrow morning for her excellent translation skills. This will be a day I want to make sure I understand completely for all the things that will be happening.

The main caretaker for Mena's playgroup is a tall, blonde lady named Nadia. She is in her late 40's I think, and she wears Ysatis perfume- I wear that one too in the winter. That may be a powerful sensory memory for Mena later though, so I may give it a miss this year. In any case, through our mangled communication that mostly consists of mimed gestures, it has come to light that Nadia has taken care of Mena since the day she arrived  as a baby of 1.5 years old. It has been Nadia who taught her to walk, to speak her first words, and who has been there to watch her grow. Yesterday I got Natasha to translate over the phone a special favor I asked from Nadia. I bought a card that was a congratulations one, and my plan was to ask Nadia if she would write Mena a little letter inside: maybe a cute story about when she was a baby, or a special wish for her in her new life and family. Because I will have no baby stories to tell Mena when she eventually asks later on, I think it is important to be able to provide some sort of connection for her to someone who was there for her at this time; to know she was special & loved all along, and not just "rejected". When she is able to understand this with a bit more sophistication, we'll be able to give her this letter as "proof". I hope it will provide some comfort- both for her but also for Nadia too, so she knows she will never be forgotten in Mena's life. She is the reason Mena is such a happy, carefree and loving kid today and not a frightened, deeply sad little girl who is unable to trust. I count it as a miracle that Mena was so fortunate to be under her care.

Anyhow, when I asked Nadia if she will be there on Momday, she said yes, but I don't think she knew why I was asking. I said, "Mena & Mama go bye-bye," and a look of surprise crossed her face just for a split second before she caught herself and regained composure. I don't think anybody told her, though she knew the day was obviously coming. She hugged Mena and made the gesture of tears on her own face, and said in Ukrainian what I pieced together as she wanted to know of she could take a photo of her & Mena because she wanted to put it in a big frame at home. I nodded yes, of course, and also gestured that in Canada, we would be sure to write her letters and send more photos as Mena got older. Monday is going to be very tough, emotionally for everybody. I have grown to really love all the kids- I've kissed skinned knees, dried hair after bathtime, helped put on coats, shoes & pyjamas, and have given a million hugs & kisses. Each of those kids are so deserving and so precious, all I can do is wish them every happiness for whatever lies ahead in the future. Until then it is a comfort that they are in a good place getting fed well and being looked after by people who genuinely like children, and who care for them. For some of them, living at the orphanage is even better than living at home where severe poverty is the issue: here they eat 3 meals a day plus snacks, have warm clothing and sleep in warm beds. For some, living in the orphanage is a luxury. It is a sad reality. 

Today I am on a fruit buying quest! By walking to the orphanage all this week and eating sparingly, I have saved about $85 which I will be spending on piles of grapes like a Roman feast, and fruit juice, and bananas, and cookies! Plus a nice cake for the ladies and a gift for Nadia. I bought her a fine set of bone china tea cups & saucers packed in a beautiful round hatbox as a keepsake from Mena. We are going to go out with a bang! I will also write her a personal letter of thanks for the incredible start in life she has given our  daughter. 

And the one last thing that I did was buy a brand new dress for the orphanage. I am going to ask if they will accept it as a trade for the red dress Mena wore the first day we met. I would like her to have something to keep as a memory from her previous life. It's another thing she may be interested in when she gets older. Plus I am taking a little vial of earth from the orphanage, and a few flowers that  I will press in a book. I hope I am not forgetting anything else I could do. I think we will absolutely come back and visit one day, but who knows if the orphanage will still be there, or in the same lovely condition as it is currently. Tomorrow is going to be both happy and sad, so I'm going to try to make it as happy as possible.

Tropical Paradiso

One of bittersweet things about adopting a child past infancy is that you may grieve about all the stages of babyhood that you missed: first smile, first steps, first tooth. To be truthful about it though, I'm not that bothered. I like other people's babies, mainly because I'm not up all hours feeding them and changing their poopy diapers. I enjoy older kids more because they are more like small people. They have their own characters, ideas & opinions formed, and I like relating to who they are in these stages of childhood. The way I see it, Mena is still going to have a lot of firsts with us, because she's never lived in a family before. This is going to make for plenty of fun & hijinx!

Each time I visit I'm sure to bring a small treat for a snack. As I said before, the kids eat pretty good- they just lack fresh fruit & vegetables in a quantity that Canadians are used to, as they are pretty expensive by Ukrainian standards. Hell, many Canadian families don't eat enough either because they are expensive! In any case, I am having great fun watching Mena sample things for the first time. Probably the most exotic thing she has tried so far is pineapple. I bought one in the supermarket, and sliced it I to long sticks that she could hold, and I brought her 3 of them.

When I arrived she made a beeline to my bag of course to see what Ma had cooked up for today. I unwrapped the pineapple and gave her a spear. She took it in both hands and bit into it and got the shock of her life when she discovered how juicy and drippy it was! Juice was going down her front, her sleeves, all over her chin- it made such a mess! Of course Miss Tidy can't stand dirty hands, so she was looking everywhere for a Kleenex.I forgot to bring some so I told her to wait, and asked her if she wanted another which she waved away with her hand like I was Jeeves. Funny!

Yesterday was mandarin oranges. Same drippy experience ensued, this time we were both in stitches laughing and laughing. Then she tried jamming her hands into her coat pockets looking for kleenex- this kid is like an old lady always with the Kleenex, I swear! Again, neither of us had any, so she did the funniest thing: she made this face and shrugged- but she used her entire body to really capture the feeling of futility, and we both just looked at each other and began laughing again. There is something about her that's completely different to any child I have ever met; it's like she has such an old soul in her 4 year old body. Some of the mannerisms she has are really hysterical, and these are the moments I am going to remember forever rather than the "firsts" of babyhood that are missing. I think these ones are so much better, in any case.

And for any who disagree, I have 3 magic words for you: Already Toilet Trained.

Mena Leaves the Orphanage in 3 Days!

Well these next few blog entries are going to be quite bait shorter as I have to type them on my iPhone, which is going to give me a hand like a lobster claw. Somebody should invent a Homer Simpson style dialing wand for this thing!

Mena & I had a cool visit today.we've been playing tea party with these 2 little teddies, Mishka (who is the naughty one) & Mousey, who is good. Mishka is very impatient & demands tea all the time & then he drinks Mousey's tea too, & he jams his entire head in the teapot & gets into all kinds of trouble. Then I have to wag my finger at him while Mena is falling around the place laughing. It's our new favorite game- good thing I have a tea party set waiting for her at home!

Anyhow, after tea party we drew pictures again. We do this almost every visit, she really likes to draw. Perfect, right? But today she did something really cool, she drew a picture of Daddy, Mommy & Mena. She was making these deliberate interlocking circles, and I was trying to see her rationale for what she was drawing. So I pointed to each shape and asked her to confirm who it was. Then she tapped my arm and picked up this floppy large bunny and brought him over. She cradled him & smoothed his face & kissed his nose, then she put him back. It was when I saw where she put him that the circle idea made total sense: a bigger bunny was cradling the smaller bunny! I said, "Mena! I get it! I get it! Daddy is cradling Mommy, and Mommy is cradling you!" and I made rocking motions with my arms. "is that right?" and she answered, "Tak!" (Yes in Ukrainian)

What a concept for her to think up. My heart melted into a puddle. Also for the first time today she called me Mama totally unprompted when she was trying to get my attention from across the room. Up till now, she has been responding to instructions like from other people- give Mama the book, etc. But today it was Ina completely different context, it was the mark of understanding our relationship as me caring for her. It was so cool! I can't stop smiling about it. When I told her that I was so happy about that, she did it again shortly after when she wanted to give me a toy to put away on a shelf that was too high for her to reach.

So milestones, milestones. For about the last week when I leave, she tries to get her jacket to come with me. Another good sign that she's getting pretty ready to go. We talk about this every day, that soon it will be time to say goodbye to the names of all the kids, and then Mommy & Mena will go on a big airplane and then we will see Daddy again & we'll be a family forever. The women atthe orphanage are incredible too. They are also trying to teach her some English words like hello & goodbye. They are also explaining to her in Ukrainian that Daddy went up in the sky in an airplane to Canada and soon she will too. Again, we are so incredibly lucky that Mena's orphanage is so nice, but especially so for the quality of the people who work there. They are so dedicated to the children, so warm, so loving- it is the very reason these children are so bright, caring, polite, and adjusted. I can say that any child waiting for a family there is in amazingly capable hands & it is a good place to be. The kids are happy, well fed, and receive lots of attention & affectionate care. The Director is clearly passionate about her job and the caretakers reflect that. All things considered Mena has had a pretty good start in life, thanks to all of them. We're going to take lots of pictures so when she grows up she can see the women who took care of her, and raised her so well.

Crazy Court Day… and the Final Coincidence

It’s been impossible to post anything in the past few days because the internet has been up and down like a Jack-in-the-Box where we are staying. We were in Mukachevo yesterday for lunch, but I hadn’t written anything in time to upload. We are also literally going nuts with these colds- waking up at all hours of the night suffocating in your own snot doesn’t exactly make for ambitious mornings. I’m most worried about Mena though for flying home: a bunch of the kids in the orphanage are also sick, including her, and the main thing is that she doesn’t get an ear infection before we have to get on the plane. I did that once a few years ago as an adult when I went to visit my Mom in Vancouver and was flying home. I had no idea I even had an ear infection until we were in the air- and thank G-d I was sitting on my own in a row by the window- I wanted to howl I was in such intense pain, the tears were just pouring down my cheeks. It was like being tortured. There was no position you could move to to make it feel better, my knuckles were white clutching the chair arms, and it was a solid battering of breathless pain until we landed. (It’s only clicked just now that when my Dr did my medical for the adoption paperwork, he looked in my ear and said there was scarring, and did I ever have a lot of ear infections as a kid and I said no. I had completely forgotten the awful plane ride- but this must have been the result. Yikes!)

Anyhow, enough with medical mysteries. You came here to read about court, and I have to say it will be a day that will go down in adoption history, for certain! Well, it almost did for another reason than you think, but let me explain…

Our court appt was the 27th, a day after the Merry Unbirthday, as you know. We were so prepared for bringing the kids a fun party, but failing that we came back home with the cake, all the paper plates, packages of napkins, packages of little spoons, the candles, and the matches and a large cutting knife I borrowed from the kitchen downstairs- as I had no idea what the orphanage had and I just wanted to be self-service so nothing could make a balls of the day. We were bummed out, so we just had some supper and then stayed in our room watching more Ukrainian music video channels and then went to bed early so we’d be rested for the next day.

Vladimir arrived the next morning, and we all piled into the car. (I forgot to mention that Natasha came back to us from Kiev for the court appearance, so she was with us too. It was a sad day for her though, as the day before on the 14hr train ride, her mom called her to say that her Grandma had passed away and she was devastated. We told her if there was any way she could go home to do that- hell, after being here for 2 months now, honestly what difference would a few more days make for delaying court to when the judge could fit us in? Ha, we’re already living on tap water and Kraft Dinner when we get home, it’s not like we could be any more broke than we already are- this part I did not say out loud, obviously! She was dumbstruck that we suggested this. I just said if it was the other way around, it would be how I would wish someone would treat me. In the end she tried every train schedule and even looked into a plane, which by Ukrainian standards is an unimaginable luxury- but nothing would get her there in time for the funeral. So after speaking with her mom, she said that she would go home for the 9th and 40th days after for Mass to be with her family at that time instead. All of us were so sad about that. So we were pretty mindful about the fact that while we were celebrating the adoption of our daughter, Natasha was experiencing a loss at the same time. So we wanted a lower-key day to reflect that.) We drove to the courthouse, it was a bright, beautiful day that was cool but had the most perfectly blue sky against all the yellow leaves on the trees.

We entered the courthouse and were heading up the stairs when all of a sudden my high heel fell off like Cinderella on the staircase and clacked down. The noise made the security guard stop us, and he asked for us to come through the metal detector with our passports for inspection. He had a dopey security guard partner with him who was in charge of the metal detector while we presented our passports. Natasha went through first, then me, then Ois. The first guy wrote down all of our passport numbers then we were allowed to go back upstairs to the courtroom. Natasha was annoyed that we were even stopped in the first place, she thought he was just being a dick about it.

We sat upstairs in the long dim hallway (mint green) on some dark wooden benches and waited for our turn. People popped in and out of courtrooms and clacked down the hall in high heels. There was a big window at the end of the hall which was literally like the light at the end of the tunnel and I chuckled about that. It was like waiting for a doctor’s appt, but it felt much more serious and official. In whispers we wondered about other cases that might have been going on: murders? Epic robberies? Neighbors fighting over cattle? A judge in swirling black robes came out and went into another room and Natasha got up and followed him into his office, he was our judge. We sat there in silence and waited some more, then she came back out. I had the idea to have a picture of these last few moments before it all became official, so I began digging around in my purse for the iPhone- I used to laugh at ladies who had everything but the kitchen sink in their purses, like my Grandma who carried absolutely everything in there, and now I guess I’ve become one of them: Wet Ones, a map of Kiev, pens, Children’s Tylenol, a small Moleskine notebook, lipstick, Kleenex, business cards, ear phones, a juice box, an 11 inch stainless steel knife…

“OMG!” I yelped in a high-pitched whisper. Oisin and Natasha looked at me, alarmed. “What’s the matter?” Oisin hissed.

“I…. I…” I began as words failed me. I opened the bag and discreetly raised the knife handle up so they could see.

“WTF is that?” Oisin asked, and then the realization made him white as a sheet. “You can’t be serious!”

Natasha hadn’t seen what was going on, so I looked around to make sure nobody else was coming and I pulled the giant knife out of my purse to show her. Her mouth dropped open in surprise, then peels of silent laughter. She was crying and laughing and doubled up on the bench wiping her eyes as her entire body shook. Then we were all dying laughing, as quietly as we could be. When she could get a word out, she asked, coming up for air, “Why do you have  big knife in purse?” And I tried to explain I had taken it yesterday with the matches so we could cut the cake if the orphanage didn’t have everything we needed- and I had forgotten to return it to the kitchen. With all the new-Mommy crap in my handbag it had gotten buried at the very bottom and I hadn’t seen it. Er, oops. Can you IMAGINE what would have happened if the metal detectors went off? I asked, incredulously. “But they did go off when you went through!” Oisin exclaimed. “The old guy just either didn’t care enough to stop you, or he didn’t see the red flashing light- but I sure did!”

Oh, court day could have turned out verrry differently. On the way home Natasha was telling Vladimir what had happened in Ukrainian, and he was laughing and I said “Vladimir! Instead of visiting Mena at orphanage, you take Oisin to visit me in jail!” He understands a bit of English so he got that, and then as all our laughs were dying down and the car was quiet, he blurted out, “Oisin home… you, Merry Christmas!” and we all started laughing again.

When it was our turn to finally go in, the procedure took about 45 minutes. Natasha did instant translation as the judge spoke, she really should look into UN work. First he explained our rights, then he reviewed our documents to say on record everything was correct for the 2 jurors present (one guy who was wearing a grey shiny suit and looked like an extra from Eastenders or a bouncer, the other was an older guy that looked like a grandfather) then we went through the people who were present who supported the adoption: a representative from the Dept Office, the Regional Inspector, a representative from the orphanage, the state prosecutor, plus us. Then we had to answer questions on why we wanted to adopt: why Ukraine, why Mena. I said we chose Ukraine because of my family background, which the judge perked up on hearing and he asked where our family came from. When I answered about why Mena, I said because we would give her a chance at a good education, we would always keep her Ukrainian roots alive (the grandfather was very impressed at this remark and made a “hummph!” sound in approval as he nodded his head) and that we already love her to bits. Then he asked a couple other questions: Did we have a house large enough for a child, did I have any secret medical diseases, and did I drink. When I answered no to the last question, the judge asked me if I was sure I was really Ukrainian- and everyone in court laughed. Then he did similar questions with Oisin. After 45 minutes, he said there would be a 20 minute recess and he would return with his decision. (And we STUPIDLY forgot to ask him to waive the 10 days- I am still kicking myself over this! Gah!) Everyone left but Natasha, Ois and myself. We sat and looked around the small room, made a couple more jokes about the kitchen knife, and listened to a billy goat outside baaaaa. Natasha said even the billy goat gave his approval and we all chuckled again. Then the judge came back with the 2 jurors, and read a 3 page statement which basically summarized everything that had just been stated out loud in court. The last page though was the official declaration of the decree. When he got to the part where he said my (full) name as the mother of Mena, and Oisin’s name as the father of Mena, I have to admit that the waterworks started. I just couldn’t help it. It was the end of just over 2.5 years of deciding to start our family and all the ups and miserable downs that went along with it, and all the waiting and the worrying, and the thinking back to the times when it looked like our file might completely be rejected, and the stress about could we afford to even do it and would we be approved by the bank for our loan, and what if we didn’t find her after all of this… it all melted away. Finally we would be the three little fishies! Forever and always.

When we got back to the house, I asked Vladimir to please come in so we could eat yesterday’s birthday cake as today’s court approval cake, with a chaser of some too-sweet Ukrainian champagne. (It is taking all the self control I have not to put the word champagne in quotation marks here, BTW.) So we all gathered in the kitchen, us, Natasha, Vladimir, and I also asked Anna and her DIL Sveta to join us. We toasted to a day of new beginnings and thanks to all the people who helped us reach this day, and then we ate some of the grossest cake I have ever tried, LOL. It was probably a blessing in disguise we didn’t feed it to the kids. The cake itself tasted like nothing, and the icing required a shot of insulin afterwards. We saved a couple of pieces for Anna’s two young daughters (9 and 12) and even they didn’t like it, LOL. Then Anna asked us to please have supper with them later that night to celebrate- which was so lovely. The other Italian couple (who require stories in their own right, which I will try to get to) were going back to Italy, so they made a giant BBQ for all of us. It was absolutely delicious- I’m telling you, Canadians have nothing on Ukrainians when it comes to BBQ. We had pork shishkabobs in the most amazing marinade, and chicken wings, and a cabbage salad, and grilled potatoes with bacon on top, and pickled red peppers and 2 types of fresh bread, and Italian antipasti mushrooms, and other things I am forgetting. There was wine and a beautiful apple type cheesecake dessert that the Italian lady made, and we brought down a box of fancy chocolates that I bought in case of something like this happening and we’d be caught with nothing to contribute, and it was just an epic feast! It made me really miss travelling- being somewhere where everyone tries to communicate in their own language and there are hand signals and a lot of laughing as some people understand and others get it totally arseways… such fun. And once again, for the life of me I don’t know how 2 people could be any luckier than we are with meeting exactly the right people at exactly the right time who are so kind and generous and helpful to us. It was a fantastic end to a fantastic day.