Fate Has Sealed The Deal!

As of yesterday, fate has now determined the rest of our lives.

Yesterday was D-Day. (Or really I should say, "F-Day"... F for filed!) Our info was reviewed by the Ukrainian government, and entered into their magic database in Kiev, which spat out our date to appear at the central office for Child Services, or as they call it, our "invitation to travel letter". Now the wheels are in full motion. Whatever that date ends up being, we are to appear at their offices to review the files for children that happen to come up that day as being eligible for adoption. It's all synchronicity from here on in- we choose a child from the presented dossiers, and then we are given governmental permission to go visit them in the orphanage, wherever in the country that may be. If it's a good match for everyone, then we petition the court for formal adoption. And that's that!

I woke up at 6am out of the blue with butterflies in my stomach, wondering if by some cosmic connection at the same time in Kiev if it was because our file was being dated right then. I couldn't get back to sleep! I love thinking about how somehow in my life, all the good things are plotted out like beads on a string, intersecting in a zig-zaggy way. I feel like everything up to now has been leading me to this pin point in time- two beams of light coming closer and closer to each other until they finally meet and cross. We're almost there. It's such a peaceful feeling, knowing it's all out of our hands and that God is taking care of it all, like the best travel agent possible. I nearly feel heavy with happiness, like mercury flowing through my veins, rooting me to the ground. I think when I finally meet her, it's going to feel like "Hello. Of course- it's you. Finally you are here." Like discovering something you've always already known. More like remembering than meeting for the first time. How much I love her already!

And the Rollercoaster Comes Back Up

Well it's Monday morning and the disaster has been averted. After an emergency meeting at our adoption agency yesterday afternoon, our agent is in the car this morning on her way to Ottawa to sort everything out at the embassy. Thank god.

As it stands, their Ukrainian agent who will be meeting us when we get over there seems to be an excellent woman who takes no chances on anything- even the smallest of details. So she was the one who suggested the correction, because they haven't placed enough kids with this new person in the Ukrainian government office to know what kind of attitude she has about common sense things like this on documentation. You would imagine that the #1 priority for anybody working in this field would be to place as many kids as possible to get them out of state orphanages, but of course like in any career, you find miserable people who like to make things as difficult as possible for no other reason than they like having a bit of authority to call the shots. So where you or I would simply say, "The document was completed correctly, it just has 2 sets of dates because obviously the blood test results had to come in & get reviewed after they were ordered in the first place," this could be seen to be an insurmountable "problem" to somebody else with a rather robotic outlook who probably hates their job and wants to make things difficult for somebody else.

In any case, we're sleeping soundly again, with things on track for filing. Yay!

One Last, Jangling, Frazzled, Raw Nerve Left

I probably shouldn't even be writing on this now, because the emotions are running a little high. Did you know that this has been the year that my hair actually has begun to turn grey? I'm being totally serious about that. I haven't had any grey hairs up to now on my head, but this year I've got 2 little patches at each temple that are getting silver. Kind of where my devil horns would be if I could grow some. It's been an exhausting week for me. Each day I have been completely conscious of the fact that the days are beginning to count down now, properly, to Database Day in Kiev. It's pretty much all I can think about because it feels so surreal. Sometimes I catch myself amazed at the moment because these are really the last times it's going to be just us 2. After almost 13 years of being together alone, it's all going to change with the addition of another person to our family. It makes me excited, it makes me wistful. Sometimes if I am truly honest, it also makes me feel a little bit sad, too. Then guilty for feeling a little bit sad. Which is how I've come to be here because I feel like I've brought all this on myself.

Phone call this morning from our agency. All of our paperwork has arrived safely to the Ukrainian office and has been looked over and is being translated as we speak. Except there is a problem. And it makes me scared and also angry because I should have listened to my gut- but I didn't. On our medical certificates, there are 2 sets of dates: the first date where our doctor did half the physical exam, then another date when we went back to get the results of required blood tests and he completed the second part. I called our agency not once, but TWICE to confirm that this was OK, and wouldn't cause confusion or a problem when it came to our file being reviewed in Ukraine. I was told twice that it was no problem by our agent. So we left the doctor's office, these double dated papers in hand.

Read more after the jump...

The Great Socks or Slippers Campaign!

So far, I'm pretty amazed with the feedback and participation this small idea has been getting- thank you everyone for caring enough to want to do something wonderful for a little kid across the world that you don't even know. To those who are new to the blog and did not get the original email, here it is again:

Hi everyone,

Please feel free to pass along this message to anyone you know with a kind heart, it's important.

As our friends & family already know, we'll be going to Ukraine this August to adopt our first child- a little girl- from a Ukrainian orphanage. Even though the country has improved in the years since independence & democracy, the orphanages are still a pretty dreadful place for the kids to spend their childhood. They lack all sorts of things we take for granted in our own families, especially when it comes to providing some basic stuff for children like socks, shoes or slippers that fit properly. The kids have nothing of their own- even basics like underwear are considered as the most amazing, exciting thing imaginable. Could we say that our own children would feel that way with all the things they already have?

I'm starting a "Great Socks or Slippers Campaign" (or underwear!) and I'm inviting you to take part. If even a handful of people open their hearts to simply grab an extra pair of kids socks the next time they are at a grocery store or a Walmart, it would be a wonderful way to brighten the day of a child who has no family to provide for them. Or perhaps you are a knitter or are part of a church community looking for something small to do- those wonderful, colourful knit slippers would make a gift that will be remembered forever by a child who has absolutely nothing in this world. What a gift to know that someone, somewhere in the world thinks you are special, and that you matter enough to receive a present of your very own!

Please send to (deadline: August 20, 2010):
Socks or Slippers
PO BOX 3536
Champlain, NY 12919


Thanks & Blessings

***I have edited some of the info for reasons of privacy.

Answers To Your Questions About How It All Works

I kind of forget that in the midst of all of this, nobody else is really up to speed on how Ukrainian adoption works if you are not in the middle of it yourself. So here are some answers to questions I find myself answering quite a bit when friends and family ask about the international process.

1. First you decide on a country. We chose Ukraine because of my family background. As we grew up with knowledge of our culture, it seemed like a no-brainer. Also, Ukraine does a blind referral process which means you choose the child. And finally, the way the Ukrainian system is set up it is 100% impossible for human traffickers to move children out of the country, or remove them from poverty-stricken families for payment. Kids must be in state care for a total of 14 months before they are even eligible for international adoption. There is no "reserving" an attractive blonde haired blue-eyed chubby baby. It's all luck of the draw in a single database for the entire country.

Read more after the jump...

The Official Excitement REALLY Begins!

Well this is it!

Today is the day we are officially DONE. There is nothing more to fill out, nothing more to hand in, nothing more to wait for someone to send back to us... every scrap of paperwork is now complete. I drove down to our agency this afternoon, the sun blazing away in a blue, blue sky and I was reminded about a day just like this one, last year when we got the word that we were approved for our line of credit to facilitate the adoption process. It's incredible to think that a year has already gone by. Sometimes it feels like it's flown other times it feels like it's been a looooong time coming, but we are finally here!

I climbed the 3 flights of stairs in the old schoolhouse building with the everlasting scents of floor cleaner and damp cardboard- a smell I still love from my own childhood- and I felt my feet were flying on their own accord. I dropped off the Interpol papers to the fresh-faced summer intern, who had the enthusiam only a student who still believes "they can change the world!" can possess and that was that. On the way down the stairs I couldn't stop smiling. When I got to the bottom a tiny little leaf was on the last step waiting to blow across my toes. I picked it up to keep it as a reminder, it felt like a little sign of a heavenly thumbs-up.

Read more after the jump...

Couch Cushions and Little Chairs

We're putting the finishing touches on M's bedroom, as we finish the last bit of waiting. Today we set up her white cast iron bed, and the office now looks like a real little girl's room! Yesterday I spent in the personal hell that is Ikea buying 2 little chairs and a play table. Tomorrow my intention is to head down and pick up a couple of canvases to paint some artwork, or to begin making curtains.It was nice sitting down to takeout Indian supper tonight together, and I said to O, "Hey, you just put together your daughter's bed!" And we both smiled into our onion bajhis.

I think about how the energy is going to totally change in the house with a little kid around. I feel like that once she's here it will be like she's always been here, the 3 of us and the cats. O is worried that it might feel weird. Of course it's going to feel weird at first- it's such a huge change. But I feel in my guts that everything is going to fit together like puzzle pieces, and that calm happiness buoys me up on the days I say, "OMG, what are we doing?!"

Another thing I think about is how when you adopt, you are not as conscious of an obvious timeline until the main event, the way you are when you have an expanding stomach that everyone in the world comments upon. So I find myself telling strangers about the adoption- like, if I am in line buying a toy or a couple of books, I say it to the cashier. I just can't help it! And people are always so sweet- asking from which country, a boy or a girl, how old, etc. It's really nice, ha, maybe it even gives me a bit of a fake "glow". We're about 6 weeks away now. Part of me would like to shove a pillow under my shirt when I go out in public just so when people ask, I can say we're adopting and bask in that happiness that people feel when they share good news. Hey, with the part of town that we live in, do ya think a lady with an obvious couch cushion under her shirt would cause a second look? Nobody even bats an eye with some of the weirdos around here!

About 8 Weeks to Go... plus a Giant RANT

I haven't been doing much updating, mainly because we've been so busy with family coming to visit, and doing some house stuff which includes changing our home office into a room for a little girl. Exciting! We're about 8 weeks away from most likely being ready to travel to Kiev if all goes well- fingers and other assorted limbs are permanently crossed right about now.

Still, it has been a few months of a nightmare rides on roller coasters, some of which I intend to discuss at a later time, when the adoption is finally through and over. We've had one serious thing go wrong that almost made us have to pull out of the process completely- but thank G-d it all got sorted out in the end.

Anyways, I'm steaming mad at something new today and I could just scream. When people say that adoption isn't for the faint at heart, I kind of rolled my eyes previously, and thought "how hard is just filling in a bunch of papers?" Sure, it's a bit of a grind and it's time consuming, but really, if you just dot those i's and cross those t's, how hard can it be? Well indeed that's the case, but what nobody factors in is just all the incompetence of other people that you have no choice in dealing with when it comes to the process itself. It makes me crazy.

Read more after the jump...