A 25 Year Old in a 4 Year Old Body

With just days to go now before we're home, I wanted to bring Mena to a couple of places in Kiev before we leave. We'll definitely be back- hopefully sooner rather than later, but still I wanted a few pictures from this trip in particular.

Yesterday we went to Lavra. I really wanted to bring her to see the beautiful gold domed churches & to walk the grounds and hear the music. I wasn't so sure how she would do in the caves of the dead saints, so that wasn't going to be a sure thing. We had to take the metro, then a bus plus walk a fair distance, but she did great! She loved the crazily steep escalators and the bus was a hoot. When we arrived I explained that this was a special place and that she would have to speak very softly. Again, I needn't have worried- she was so perfectly good, we both got such adoring looks from the nuns & monks. The church itself was closed, so we just could go into the small adjoining chamber but they still had a couple of places for the thin beeswax candles and then beautiful golden pictures of saints and vases full of fresh flowers gently wilting in the soft light. She did so well that I thought she'd be fine in the caves, so down we went. She wasn't afraid of the dark at all and was completely silent. She was especially interested when I held my candle up to illuminate the ancient paintings of each 10th century saint over their glass coffin so she could see who was inside. Spiritually and artistically curious- this is totally my kid all the way.

Later that night I was craving sushi in the worst way. We've been eating at home all week on pretty "simple & rustic" food, as my dear husband would call it, so I decided it was time for a single treat. Kiev is littered with sushi restaurants, I guess with all the skinny supermodel types around, they need to eat something- so what could be better than 6 of them eying up a single piece of sashimi with their shared glass of water, right?

So we walked down to a place I've been looking at for days with my mouth watering, and we went there. As we entered the small glass vestibule before opening the door to the hostess area, I bent down to eye level with Mena & told her this was a restaurant, and that she'd have to use a quiet voice inside & that we were about to have a tasty supper. I could see the faces of a couple of waitresses inside no doubt going, "Oh no- what kind of idiot brings their kid to a sushi restaurant to run amok while people are trying to eat? Whatever. I just knew Mena would be great. The only thing I wondered about was if she would like the food.

We were seated at a booth at a window overlooking the busy street outside. It was dark so we watched the people coming home from work. I ordered a sampler of different types of sushi, and a skewer of teriyaki chicken for Mena just in case. Out of nowhere, Mena turned into a 25 year old on a dinner date. As we shared a bottle of sparkling water and waited for the food, I saw that under the table she had crossed her legs like an adult- honestly I don't know where on earth she got the idea to do this- there was no one around us that she could possibly see to mimic, and I wasn't sitting like that either! And then as we were talking, she was gesticulating with her hands like a movie star being interviewed. She is so funny!

She tried everything & loved most of it, save handing me back some of the chewier bits of seaweed wrap from the maki she was eating. I'm so happy that she is an adventurous eater- she is going to fit in just fine with our lifestyle and love of eating a variety of different types of food. I know God will probably pay me back for saying so one day, but I don't know what I would do with a picky eater. I can't help it, but I almost see it as a sort of character defect. Sorry everyone out there who has a kid who will only eat cheerios or food that is the colour red. I know our next kid will be like this just to serve me right.

In fact, I'd say Mena is almost too adventurous. I really have yo watch her like a hawk sometimes because she has some weird holdover behavior from the orphanage around food. Like, I've nearly not caught her in time from picking up bread off the street that pigeons are eating. Yikes. It's not that food was rare on the orphanage, it's more a case that with a dozen 4 year olds, you can't monitor what everybody is putting in their mouths 24/7. So if something falls on the floor & nobody is there to say no, you'll probably eat it. Or one of your friends will.

Also cooking in the kitchen together is a new thing for her too. In the orphanage, food was prepared in a large kitchen that was off-limits to the kids. So unlike a baby who grows up watching you prepare meals in their jolly jumper in the kitchen doorway, or a toddler who sees you make toast & eat it at the counter, none of these kids have ever had that family style experience of seeing what goes on in a kitchen. When food falls on the floor it gets thrown out- not eaten. Food that is in the fridge is clean, but food in the garbage is dirty. If nobody teaches you this, how would you know? So yes, I have caught Little Miss trying to pick individual kernels of corn out of the bin, and it was a disconcerting experience the first time. Now she has begun to understand though, so we're getting there. It's really funny how much stuff you take for granted when you raise a baby from infancy, compared to a child who not only has to learn a new language from scratch, a new home to live in, new people to live with, and then all the new rules about *how* to live in a family environment, and what is expected & acceptable. It's all trial by fire. And she is doing so well- how hard this must be for her and also how exhausting for her little brain & spirit to cope with, as well as all the normal kid things that all children have to deal with as small ever-learning people. I don't think I could do it if somebody plunked me down in the middle of a brand new life.

Back in Kiev

It's Tuesday morning, and I've got great news to report- yesterday I picked up Mena's visa from the Canadian embassy! FINALLY it's all over- finished, finito, done, complete. Adoption of one little monkey: Mission Accomplished! When we left the embassy yesterday, I wanted to sing it from the rooftops! Hey world, it's all over! Now we can get back to normal life again, but this time with our kid. Yippee!

I think so much time has passed since the train ride, and the fact that it's been practically impossible to write anything these last days as we've been getting used to each other & try to establish a routine, I'm just going to leave it at that. It was a 17 hour ride from where we got her passport back to Kiev. I have to say that Mena is a real trooper when it comes to traveling. She did better than me! She easily amused herself the entire way, slept easily, wasn't afraid of the non- stop motion or loud sounds, and generally enjoyed the new exciting experience. Mommy on the other hand, not so much. The iPhone ran out of batteries within 30 mins because I forgot to charge it before we left- I'm used to my dear hubby taking care of details like this as Technology King- I had dried barf on one pant leg that was soon to be accompanied by pee down the other as I insisted on doing train gymnastics in not letting Mena's bum touch the gross toilet seat. (One foot propped against bathroom wall, bent at waist, child hovering precariously over disgusting stainless steel toilet while train lurches and jerks like a mechanical bull. Etc.) When we finally arrived at our new apt in Kiev, all I wanted was a hot shower and a proper bed. Sleeping beside Mena is like sleeping beside a helicopter: limbs constantly in motion, plus the entire time I had visions of her falling off the narrow train bed so I slept in a fetal position scrunched up & occupying the least amount of space possible while Her Highness stretched out and slept like a starfish the entire way. 

In any case, our first couple of days alone in the new apt were something like a comedy routine. I'm by no means an idiot or totally inexperienced looking after small kids, as when my 2 youngest sisters were born I was already a teenager. However there are just some things that leave you feeling unexpectedly like a helpless idiot when left alone for the first time properly with your own new kid. Such as "safety valves" on the sippy cup. After reading the instructions in 4 languages and looking at the picture demonstration, nobody tells you that you need a frigging engineering degree to figure out how NOT to spill apple juice down your tits when you try to assemble the thing and test it 15 times before you give it to your kid. It was like a scene from a parenting movie where the idiot bachelor is forced to babysit a child for the first time in his life. 

Also, when you have oceans of time laid out in front of you, and you are well used to going with the flow of how you feel in regards to food, errands and recreation, it is a daunting thing to try and figure out what suits a small person who has now become your new sidekick. All I kept asking myself was WTF women ever managed to get the vote? Seriously. How? With modern conveniences like washing machines & running hot water & bakeries for bread & supermarkets for food & cars to ride in... How on bloody earth did anyone ever get anything done with ONE child, much less 8 or 10? I truly can't wrap my mind around it. I have to say that first day I felt like a miserable failure. I had grand ideas that we would walk on down to Kreshatyck Street and meander happily to the grocery store, a rainbow arching in the sky as bluebirds fluttered carefree above our heads and flutes played merrily somewhere in the background. It's only been a handful of days and already I'm laughing at my own breathtaking naivety. I completely overestimated how far anyone can possibly walk when 90 degree hills and 3 bags of groceries plus a hungry, overtired, and needing-to-pee-every-ten-minutes 4 year old are involved. Hey, I have a new team task for the creators of the Amazing Race! And add to that locating a CLEAN, NON-SQUATTING variety of a bathroom, free of bitchy little 20 year old salesgirls who pretend that they don't understand you when they see a near-hysterics child grabbing their crotch and crossing their legs repeating "Peezits, Mama! Peezits!" over and over again. There is a special place in hell for people like this, and all I wish for is that karma will happily visit them one day- and I hope especially for some wicked diarrhea with no toilet paper and no spare changes of clothes on top of it. See who will be laughing now, Miss Minimum Wage.

Mena had great fun in the grocery store as always- she loves to ride in the cart- and she sings and likes to hold things to "help". She also enchants every person who walks by, talking to them like her chirpy self and I should start carrying hand sanitized for all the cheek pinching and hand shaking that goes on. She is just full of confidence and happiness, and has no problems with making or holding eye contact with anyone, which is a very common problem with kids with her background. Again I credit all of this to the incredible care she received at the orphanage. This would be a very different kid had she been in another lesser facility. 

The only thing you have to watch out for is going too much on the other direction: being overtly and undiscriminately friendly with people & strangers. The other side of the coin is that the child feels they belong to everybody, because they belong to nobody, so to speak. So you have to be very careful with a kid like this- even more so than a child who is overly shy.  The last thing you want is your kid to feel like they can meet a stranger in a park and wander off with them. Although it may be hard to understand and sad for all the eager friends & family who are rightly dying to give cuddles & want to sit on laps, until your child is firmly attached the advice is to not allow this. Laps are only for Mommy & Daddy, and ditto for giving candy, too, they say. I think we're pretty OK with Mena though. 

When I get home I'm going to make a list of the best books on kids & adoption and post it. Lord knows I think I have read just about everything currently in print plus library books- some being very good & others pointless.

Major Blog Updates x 3

Just did an update dump from the last 7 days without the Internet. There are 3 really long posts, so go back and start from the first update. We'll soon be up to date on being here in Kiev, where we arrived last Thursday. We are now waiting to go to the Canadian Embassy tomorrow to pick up Mena's permanent visa, and we fly home on Sunday!

First Night in Hotel, Mukachevo

Midnight

It is now just after midnight, officially Sat AM. There is so much to update- Mena & I are back in Kiev, in a new apt, to wait out the last week before flying home! OMG, I truly can't believe it!!

Mena's first night in the hotel with me was Tuesday night in Mukachevo. We did all the paperwork somehow that day and went to collect Mena from the orphanage for the last time at about 5pm. I really wanted to rip the bandaid off quick, so to speak, so the plan was to go in, change her clothes to the ones I packed, take a few last photos of the people who weren't there the day before and leave with as little fuss as possible. As soon as I walked to the door Mena was freaking out with smiles and a bounce in her step. She knew today was the day! The other kids were much more subdued than I was expecting, which was weird, but made it a lot easier, admittedly. Only one little girl was hysterical, crying and crying, "Marika don't go!" over & over. Natasha did her best to calm her down as we all left the room. It was us, Nadia, another lady who cared for Mena before too, the sweet orphanage doctor, and the director. We went into another little room that looked like a relaxing room for maybe breaks, and the blonde lady who cares for the babies was chattering to Mena, and was helping her undress. I kind of wanted to dress her myself, as symbolically she was my daughter now, but then I figured you know what? Big deal- I'll have the chance to dress her forever after this- I'm OK that this lady who will never see her again wants to do it one last time. So I just stood back and let her do it. Everyone was smiling and we took a few pictures, there was excitement in the air but also some sadness. By the very definition of success at doing their job perfectly, it meant loss in the end result for the people who looked after & cared for our daughter. Success because they had raised a beautiful little girl who was happy, chirpy, trusting & smart, so now she was prepared to leave them forever.

Finally it was time to say goodbye and we all began walking down the long, dim hallway. Nadia carried Mena, and at the end, handed her to me for the last time. All I could croak out was "Thank you, Nadia, thank you," over and over again while we both were crying. I hugged her so tightly, and kissed her cheeks, and she kissed Mena goodbye & then she had to leave, it was too hard. Last hugs & more soft tears from everyone, and then we opened the door and stepped out into the newly dark night sky and the rain. 

I held Mena on my lap in the backseat as we drove to the hotel, captivated by my new daughter as I watched the streetlights flash gently into the car, illuminating her face like film slides as the rain splashed against the windows. She was looking out, taking in everything with no fear of traveling to doctors for more needles the way she was so terrified when we went to get passport photos done the previous week. We arrived and went into our room. She was fascinated by everything! The buttons on the TV! The remote control for the air conditioner! The biggest bed she had ever seen! The nightside table with a lamp! She scooted around checking all of it out as I watched, giggling. She jumped into the bed and pulled up the covers to her tiny nose and was laughing & smiling. I thought to myself, yippee, bedtime is going to be a piece of cake! (If I only knew what awaited...) The plan was to let her settle down, then go to the restaurant downstairs for some borsht, then bedtime. She was enthralled by the 2 budgies in the cage in the restaurant, and less a fan of the goldfish in the fountain that all scattered & bolted when our shadows loomed above them in the water. She ate really well, and I encouraged dip-dip bread into soup to fill her up even more. She drank some warm milk & was so happy. She had the waitresses utterly charmed, she was so cute!

We prepared for bedtime and she changed into her new pyjamas happily. But then realizing what comes after pyjamas, it all became real & scary for her and the meltdown started. She kept pointing at the door, and was saying the same thing over & over as she sobbed so heavily her entire little body shook. I walked around the room trying to calm her down in my arms, then I decided to go get Natasha. As luck would have it she was just coming up the stairs with a cup of tea when I opened our door, so she immediately came inside asking what was wrong; I explained. We all got into the bed and Natasha was a lifesaver. Honest to G-d, if she wasn't there, I don't know what I would have done. She whispered to Mena non-stop as she calmed down, and we lay in the now dark, the relief flooding through me was immeasurable. She said she was telling Mena a fairy tale, and poems- in between telling her she was OK. She said that when she was hysterical she kept repeating, "the children! The children!" like she had to sleep in her own little bed with all the other little kids in her group. Natasha said, "Don't cry, all the children are sleeping, you are the only little one still up!" which gently took her mind off things. Finally Mena became drowsy and it was safe for Natasha to leave, so she quietly closed the door. I asked Mena if she wanted to snuggle close to Mommy and she nodded yes, and scooted over while I cuddled her and smoothed her forehead (how my Mom always did for me- and how I loved that!) and she drifted off. Then she changed positions and put one tiny little trusting arm over my neck and fell asleep on her tummy, face down into the pillow. 

How scary this first night must have been for her, I can't even imagine. The next morning she awoke all smiles and we prepared to leave for the main town an hour away where the passport office was located. Natasha thoughtfully went to the corner shop & came back with a couple of bananas & some yogurts for us while I packed up the suitcases and got us ready to go. Mena happily munched away at her breakfast, then it was bathtime. I had helped with this at the orphanage so I knew the routine: each kid sat down in the shower stall and was hosed down, shampooed, and then scooted out in a towel- a very cute military operation for a whole army of 4 year olds! I one-upped the tradition by putting a bath matt in the shower so she could sit on that as it trapped a bit of heat from the water, so I thought. Then it was time to strip down and hop in. This is where the next meltdown started. 

I showed Mena everything was OK by getting in in my nightie, and spraying my feet with the showerhead, trying to encourage her to try it herself. Hot water was in short supply at the orphanage, so I was hoping that feeling the luxurious warm water would entice her in even more, but it was a no-go. Finally I had to resort to lifting her in as she cried. I tried to be as chirpy as possible, washing her hair gently, as she sobbed. Then I gave her the soap so she could wash herself, which she did through the tears. At last we were all done so I wrapped her in a warm towel and cuddled her, as we rocked together on the end of the bed and I whispered how proud I was of her, that she was OK, and that Mommy would be there forever to take care of her. The sobbing subsided, and I gave her a tiny glass of juice and we continued rocky-rocky-hush. Poor little mite.

We left the hotel on time and drove an hour to the passport office that literally was on the Slovakian border- if you looked over the hill in the parking lot you could see villages in the country. It was a good ride, through the beautiful countryside and the hour flew by. Until we were about 10 minutes away and poor Mena projectile vomited her breakfast up over everything. She had never been in a car  that long, and clearly it was too much for her. Barf all down her new pink little coat, down her jeans, on her shoes, and all over my leg. We pulled over and tried to clean up, again, wonderful Vladimir, a dad himself to 2 sons in their late teens/early 20's, proved again the type of kindhearted soul he was- rather than freaking out over his bawdy car, his only concern was little Mena, and he helped handing me tissues and getting water out of his trunk. I had to completely change Mena at the side of the road and was so thankful for pinching the entire roll of toilet paper from our room when we left! I had nothing else in the way of clean jeans to change into myself, so I had to wipe off my leg and continue on in the car. Thank my stars it wasn't stinky! That was a complete miracle in itself, and a good thing too because just as we were practically pulling into the passport office, she threw up all over again, including the children's Gravol pill I had just given her. Sigh.

To make a long story short, the 2nd absolute miracle that took place that day was the fact that Natasha the magician, somehow she managed to get us Mena's passport in 2 HOURS, a feat that can take up to 2 WEEKS in some regions! I honestly don't know how she does it, but she is such an experienced expert, again & again all I can say is without her, I don't know what I would have done. 

That meant that in the very afternoon we would be on the 17 hour train journey back to Kiev- zero waiting. We bought our tickets and left at 2:30pm. It was a rainy day, but before we boarded we stopped at a supermarket to get sandwich things & snacks & drinks for the train. It was Mena's first time in a supermarket and I would need another entire post to tell you how much fun it was to watch her take in more food than she could even get her mind around- especially the cookie section! She also hugged the deli meat counter. (And a spooky thing she did- we were looking at cookies when there was a lady in a leather coat with long auburn hair with her back towards us. I was carrying her, but she reached/pointed at the woman and said, "Mama?" so certainly that the other woman turned around. Remembering? Maybe so- we had seen a photocopy of her birth mother's passport photo, albeit upside-down on a desk and the hair did look similar. Mena was less than 1.5 years old though when she was placed in care and clearly this lady was too old to be a mother when she turned around. But it was interesting!)

Saying goodbye to Vladimir at the train brought more teary eyes- for all 3 of us. What a lovely man this guy was, and what a rock he was the entire time for us. Cheerful each & every day, nothing was ever a problem, he even went above & beyond & helped us go grocery shopping- helping us by speaking to people in the store when we would show him the Point-it book. He had very little English himself, so what a guy for stepping in to try & figure things out with us. And he knew money was becoming a serious problem, and in pure kindness we began to notice him "forgetting" to charge us for stuff like waiting the 2 hours at the orphanage etc. I hugged him so tightly as he wished us every happiness in our life with Mena, and every dream to come true for her future. I could barely speak I was so touched. We will never forget him or how good he was to us.

And so began the 17 hour ride to Kiev. 

Document Day. Allllllllll Day.

I'm writing from the car now & probably will be most of the day. It's 10am & we're in the process of getting Mena's new birth cert. Natasha has been up since the crack of dawn securing places in line & running around to the bank to pay for the documents. She has hopes of getting everything done today & being on tonights train back to Kiev! My role is chief breakfast-getter, cheerleader, & words of calm & appreciation. We've already hit a snag in the plans- a single letter in the court decree was spelled wrong in the date, so she had to go all the way back to court to get a new copy of the entire thing. Then back to the birth cert office where she was dying of embarrassment because we sailed by an entire roomful of grumpy people giving us major stink eye for bypassing the line. What they didn't know is that she was second on line since this morning. Then we got there only to find out that the court did not send a copy of the judgement of parental termination last year... So after a flurry of phone calls, back to the courthouse we went to get this document, & this is where we are now, Vladimir the ever-patient driver & myself waiting in the car. See, this is all the stuff you don't know about that happens behind the scenes, & it's part of the reason that the expense of adoption is what it is. Everybody works so hard & has to be so meticulous every step of the way- and something will invariably happen like this. Murphy's law & all that. I said it's the same in Canada- it depends mostly on the mood of the person behind the desk & if you happen to get somebody who is willing to overlook little mistakes or not. Though not having parental termination is basically impossible to overlook! LOL. So after we get this, its back to the birth cert office we go to barge past the line again. I said if Natasha felt bad that I would go first like the dopey tourist who doesn't know any better so people could mutter angrily about me, ha. 

(Did I ever mention how much I'm going to miss Ukrainian radio stations? OMG, greatest music EVER! There is just a blend of really bizarre music from the early 80's that is unknown in North America- and I worked for a record store for years! Some of it seems to be Europop, some of it is English new wave that never made it across the pond, and the best is Ukrainian copycat versions of stuff like Pet Shop Boys... but the lyrics are pretty crazy & don't always make sense. Like chanting "Armani! Armani! Let's self-destruct! I've got a lover who will dance with me!" My fingers are sooo crossed that I can get Radio Carpathia at home on the Internet!) One of the best memories in fact was this time when Vladimir was taking Ois & myself to the orphanage & there was a Tina Turner marathon on, and we started singing in the car, so Vladimir turned the radio up louder and he was laughing at us. He thought we were bonkers, but he said, "Ah! The Tina Turner- good!" and we carried on the entire way. Such fun! I love Vladimir.

Jumping ahead to the end of the day, we got everything done eventually, although it took the entire day because after all the running around back & forth to the courthouse Natasha caught *another* mistake in the paperwork at the birth cert place- they spelled my last name wrong, and they had to retype it all again. And it took forever. 

I'm going to break there, and tell about Mena's first night in the hotel next, as I'm now catching up on all of this 4 days later!

The Long Goodbye

Yesterday morning Natasha arrived on the train, it was great to see her again! She has such energy, by 9am she had already been to court to pick up the decree, made an appt for the birth cert office for tomorrow, and scouted out the tax office also for tomorrow. She is just so unbelievably organized, I don't know how she does it. A real pro!

The only hitch in the plan was that the court made a mistake in the dates, miscounting the weekend, so the decree won't be ready to be picked up until tomorrow. In any case it gave us an extra day to prepare, so she suggested we do our goodbye party for the kids today so tomorrow isn't such an emotional overload, which was a genius idea. So we loaded up the car with the million pounds of grapes I bought, apple juice & 2 big bags of cookies for the kids. We also brought a cake for the ladies, then I had a special gift for Nadia, and the Director. I spent the morning making a card for Nadia & writing a heartfelt letter of gratitude for all she's done for Mena, which I gave to her privately & Natasha translated. She was surprised at the gift and gave me a giant bear hug & when Natasha read her the letter there were tears involved, so I think I did an OK job at telling her how blessed Mena was to have been raised by her and that we would never forget what an important person she has been in her life. I didn't know this but Nadia & Mena actually have the same birthday, so we will always think of her on that day, and I said we'd be sure to blow out a candle for her too.

The kids had a feast of grapes- when they saw the enormous bag, all their eyes were as wide as saucers! Indeed the lady at the market stall was pretty startled as I kept telling her to add more, more, more to the scale! I'm positive she thought I was either insane, or that I just confirmed every legend ever heard about the beast-like North American tourist who eats for pure recreation. In any case the kids were very, very excited! It was such fun watching them dig in & enjoy their treats- so many that they will have a 2 day grape feast! A few ladies came by to say goodbye to Mena, it was really amazing to me how connected everyone is to her- from caretakers in other groups, to assistants, to the cooks- everyone knew her name & gave hugs & kisses. I knew this was a pretty special orphanage, but watching every person want to properly say goodbye & wish her well really touched my heart. It is yet another testament to the passion & love for the children these amazing women have, and how hard the Director works to ensure that every child matters individually under  her care.

Before we went in to Mena's group we met privately with the Director to give her the customary donation for the orphanage, and also just to sit and talk for a few minutes, and present her with the gift I bought for her- a pretty china set of espresso cups. She was very touched, and I also got the chance to tell her what a wonderful job she has done with the kids in her care, and how impressed we have been by every person we have come in contact with from her staff. I said that if Ukraine needed an example of a children's home that all others should be modeled upon, it is her facility. She graciously thanked me for the compliment and said she was so pleased to hear that about her staff. She was also very proud that the wife of the previous President of Ukraine had visited the orphanage herself 2 years ago and she showed me a special wooden tri-folding picture of some saints that she was given as a gift. I admired it and said it was very impressive that the First Lady had come to visit her personally. She asked if I had seen any other orphanages while here and I said we had, an unfortunately it was a very different experience, and left it at that. She understood.

I asked if it would be possible to have the dress Mena was wearing the day we met and she said yes of course. That was incredibly nice- I have heard of other parents asking and being told no, even when they brought something new to trade, which I also prepared. So now Mena will have this keepsake too which I am so happy about! She also smiled and asked if we really loved Mena. It was my turn to do pigeon hands as I began to get teary and I said she has become the light of our lives- and every time I think of her I feel like my heart will fly out of my chest. We all sat quietly for a moment, and I believe that the 3 of us were thinking about what a bright future our daughter has in front of her. Then a funny story was shared: When Nadia and some of the other ladies were around, they asked Mena what she thought of her new Mama. She deftly replied, "Well I love my Mama but I don't know always what she's talking about!" Classic Mena!

Really, the rest of the afternoon was spent playing with the kids (it seems 4 plastic Barbie cell phones were found which caused pandemonium- they all made noise to drive a person crazy, Natasha said Mena was pretending to talk to Daddy, telling him she was going to bring him a cake, LOL) and also asking some last minute questions about routines: bedtimes, favorite foods, naps, etc. I also spoke to the Director about one little boy who has captured my heart- with the moratorium on international adoption passed, the future is very uncertain, but there are summer programs where some children are selected to visit Canada to stay with a family for a few weeks, and I said that if this particular little boy could enter this program, we would be very interested in hosting him. He is just the loveliest kid- calm, even tempered, kind, bright, and he gets on well with Mena. I wish we could take him too. He is also 4, but he's more advanced than Mena in language, I think he's probably ready for kindergarten even right now. I absolutely adore him, it's going to be heartbreaking to leave him behind.

So tomorrow we will spend the day running around from court to notary to office to office, and perhaps also to the main town about an hour away to hand in the passport application. Natasha says that best case scenario, we may be able to leave for Kiev right away & that rather than picking up the passport in a few days when it is ready, that perhaps they will allow it to be sent on to Kiev via courier... which would be AMAZING as it would save a few hundred dollars of waiting here when we could be getting on with all the other stuff that has to happen in Kiev before we can fly home.

It is hard to believe, but our time here is really coming to an end. I actually feel a lump in my throat when I think about this, because this has been the greatest experience of my life so far. I have really come to love this country, and to get to experience my own culture and better understand where I come from has been so deeply powerful for me; as well as being united with our daughter. And to do all of this surrounded & supported by the people we have been so fortunate to meet who have been on our side every step of the way... I can't even tell you how lucky & blessed we have been. I go to bed thinking about that, and I wake up thinking about it too.

The Long Goodbye

The Long Goodbye

Yesterday morning Natasha arrived on the train, it was great to see her again! She has such energy, by 9am she had already been to court to pick up the decree, made an appt for the birth cert office for tomorrow, and scouted out the tax office also for tomorrow. She is just so unbelievably organized, I don't know how she does it. A real pro!

The only hitch in the plan was that the court made a mistake in the dates, miscounting the weekend, so the decree won't be ready to be picked up until tomorrow. In any case it gave us an extra day to prepare, so she suggested we do our goodbye party for the kids today so tomorrow isn't such an emotional overload, which was a genius idea. So we loaded up the car with the million pounds of grapes I bought, apple juice & 2 big bags of cookies for the kids. We also brought a cake for the ladies, then I had a special gift for Nadia, and the Director. I spent the morning making a card for Nadia & writing a heartfelt letter of gratitude for all she's done for Mena, which I gave to her privately & Natasha translated. She was surprised at the gift and gave me a giant bear hug & when Natasha read her the letter there were tears involved, so I think I did an OK job at telling her how blessed Mena was to have been raised by her and that we would never forget what an important person she has been in her life. I didn't know this but Nadia & Mena actually have the same birthday, so we will always think of her on that day, and I said we'd be sure to blow out a candle for her too.

The kids had a feast of grapes- when they saw the enormous bag, all their eyes were as wide as saucers! Indeed the lady at the market stall was pretty startled as I kept telling her to add more, more, more to the scale! I'm positive she thought I was either insane, or that I just confirmed every legend ever heard about the beast-like North American tourist who eats for pure recreation. In any case the kids were very, very excited! It was such fun watching them dig in & enjoy their treats- so many that they will have a 2 day grape feast! A few ladies came by to say goodbye to Mena, it was really amazing to me how connected everyone is to her- from caretakers in other groups, to assistants, to the cooks- everyone knew her name & gave hugs & kisses. I knew this was a pretty special orphanage, but watching every person want to properly say goodbye & wish her well really touched my heart. It is yet another testament to the passion & love for the children these amazing women have, and how hard the Director works to ensure that every child matters individually under  her care. 

Before we went in to Mena's group we met privately with the Director to give her the customary donation for the orphanage, and also just to sit and talk for a few minutes, and present her with the gift I bought for her- a pretty china set of espresso cups. She was very touched, and I also got the chance to tell her what a wonderful job she has done with the kids in her care, and how impressed we have been by every person we have come in contact with from her staff. I said that if Ukraine needed an example of a children's home that all others should be modeled upon, it is her facility. She graciously thanked me for the compliment and said she was so pleased to hear that about her staff. She was also very proud that the wife of the previous President of Ukraine had visited the orphanage herself 2 years ago and she showed me a special wooden tri-folding picture of some saints that she was given as a gift. I admired it and said it was very impressive that the First Lady had come to visit her personally. She asked if I had seen any other orphanages while here and I said we had, an unfortunately it was a very different experience, and left it at that. She understood.

I asked if it would be possible to have the dress Mena was wearing the day we met and she said yes of course. That was incredibly nice- I have heard of other parents asking and being told no, even when they brought something new to trade, which I also prepared. So now Mena will have this keepsake too which I am so happy about! She also smiled and asked if we really loved Mena. It was my turn to do pigeon hands as I began to get teary and I said she has become the light of our lives- and every time I think of her I feel like my heart will fly out of my chest. We all sat quietly for a moment, and I believe that the 3 of us were thinking about what a bright future our daughter has in front of her. Then a funny story was shared: When Nadia and some of the other ladies were around, they asked Mena what she thought of her new Mama. She deftly replied, "Well I love my Mama but I don't know always what she's talking about!" Classic Mena!

Really, the rest of the afternoon was spent playing with the kids (it seems 4 plastic Barbie cell phones were found which caused pandemonium- they all made noise to drive a person crazy, Natasha said Mena was pretending to talk to Daddy, telling him she was going to bring him a cake, LOL) and also asking some last minute questions about routines: bedtimes, favorite foods, naps, etc. I also spoke to the Director about one little boy who has captured my heart- with the moratorium on international adoption passed, the future is very uncertain, but there are summer programs where some children are selected to visit Canada to stay with a family for a few weeks, and I said that if this particular little boy could enter this program, we would be very interested in hosting him. He is just the loveliest kid- calm, even tempered, kind, bright, and he gets on well with Mena. I wish we could take him too. He is also 4, but he's more advanced than Mena in language, I think he's probably ready for kindergarten even right now. I absolutely adore him, it's going to be heartbreaking to leave him behind.

So tomorrow we will spend the day running around from court to notary to office to office, and perhaps also to the main town about an hour away to hand in the passport application. Natasha says that best case scenario, we may be able to leave for Kiev right away & that rather than picking up the passport in a few days when it is ready, that perhaps they will allow it to be sent on to Kiev via courier... which would be AMAZING as it would save a few hundred dollars of waiting here when we could be getting on with all the other stuff that has to happen in Kiev before we can fly home.

It is hard to believe, but our time here is really coming to an end. I actually feel a lump in my throat when I think about this, because this has been the greatest experience of my life so far. I have really come to love this country, and to get to experience my own culture and better understand where I come from has been so deeply powerful for me; as well as being united with our daughter. And to do all of this surrounded & supported by the people we have been so fortunate to meet who have been on our side every step of the way... I can't even tell you how lucky & blessed we have been. I go to bed thinking about that, and I wake up thinking about it too.

Old Mother Hubbord

With about 2 weeks left now, we are in the home stretch. It's been an experience of highs and lows, but absolutely many, many more highs thank G-d. We have really been so fortunate along the way. I know I keep repeating this like a parrot because it's true! It has been a happy and also a humbling experience, one that has changed our life more than for the obvious reason. And I'm so pleased that I've been able to share it all with you.

I intend to keep doing updates even when we get home, mainly because that's when the real parenting of an adopted child will come in, and my wish is that if I can provide some sort of information that would perhaps cause someone else to consider this way of expanding their own family by adoption, it will all be worth it.

If you have enjoyed this small slice into this crazy world, and you feel like you'd like to make a contribution towards our adoption journey, we have a Paypal account that has become a bit of a lifeline for us. And mortifyingly, after what will be 12 weeks here by the time we can finally go home, we are in need a bit of a miracle. How's that for humbling? Yikes.

thecosmicangel@hotmail.com

Day 10!

Today is D-day! We've made it to day 10, which means that today by Ukrainian law we are now Mena's "real" parents forever. For those of you scratching your head out there wondering why it seems every so often I come out with, "today is officially blah blah, so now we're a family" only later to basically say the same thing again- well parental recognition in adoption comes in stages through law. When you get your court date & the judge declares the decree, that's 50% of it. Still things could go wrong even then though it's pretty rare, like some family member pops up out of the woodwork to say they contest the adoption which would mean a legal headache & battling it out in additional court appearances. But Day 10 is truly the real McCoy. After 10 days if nobody contests the adoption, then everything is over. Finished. Done! Legally today we now take over the role as parents from the state & nobody can do anything to stop it. On Tuesday we will be issued with a new birth cert that lists us as Mena's parents & the old one will be destroyed.  (Tip for prospective parents out there: ask to make a scan or a photocopy of the old document, as you'll never see it again, and someday your child might be interested in seeing it. It does have info about original birth parents on it.) 

In actuality I could demand to remove Mena from the orphanage today, but we're going to wait till tomorrow, just because the Director does not work on the weekend, and there are a couple of loose ends Natasha needs to tie up. Also I would rather wait till Natasha arrives tomorrow morning for her excellent translation skills. This will be a day I want to make sure I understand completely for all the things that will be happening.

The main caretaker for Mena's playgroup is a tall, blonde lady named Nadia. She is in her late 40's I think, and she wears Ysatis perfume- I wear that one too in the winter. That may be a powerful sensory memory for Mena later though, so I may give it a miss this year. In any case, through our mangled communication that mostly consists of mimed gestures, it has come to light that Nadia has taken care of Mena since the day she arrived  as a baby of 1.5 years old. It has been Nadia who taught her to walk, to speak her first words, and who has been there to watch her grow. Yesterday I got Natasha to translate over the phone a special favor I asked from Nadia. I bought a card that was a congratulations one, and my plan was to ask Nadia if she would write Mena a little letter inside: maybe a cute story about when she was a baby, or a special wish for her in her new life and family. Because I will have no baby stories to tell Mena when she eventually asks later on, I think it is important to be able to provide some sort of connection for her to someone who was there for her at this time; to know she was special & loved all along, and not just "rejected". When she is able to understand this with a bit more sophistication, we'll be able to give her this letter as "proof". I hope it will provide some comfort- both for her but also for Nadia too, so she knows she will never be forgotten in Mena's life. She is the reason Mena is such a happy, carefree and loving kid today and not a frightened, deeply sad little girl who is unable to trust. I count it as a miracle that Mena was so fortunate to be under her care.

Anyhow, when I asked Nadia if she will be there on Momday, she said yes, but I don't think she knew why I was asking. I said, "Mena & Mama go bye-bye," and a look of surprise crossed her face just for a split second before she caught herself and regained composure. I don't think anybody told her, though she knew the day was obviously coming. She hugged Mena and made the gesture of tears on her own face, and said in Ukrainian what I pieced together as she wanted to know of she could take a photo of her & Mena because she wanted to put it in a big frame at home. I nodded yes, of course, and also gestured that in Canada, we would be sure to write her letters and send more photos as Mena got older. Monday is going to be very tough, emotionally for everybody. I have grown to really love all the kids- I've kissed skinned knees, dried hair after bathtime, helped put on coats, shoes & pyjamas, and have given a million hugs & kisses. Each of those kids are so deserving and so precious, all I can do is wish them every happiness for whatever lies ahead in the future. Until then it is a comfort that they are in a good place getting fed well and being looked after by people who genuinely like children, and who care for them. For some of them, living at the orphanage is even better than living at home where severe poverty is the issue: here they eat 3 meals a day plus snacks, have warm clothing and sleep in warm beds. For some, living in the orphanage is a luxury. It is a sad reality. 

Today I am on a fruit buying quest! By walking to the orphanage all this week and eating sparingly, I have saved about $85 which I will be spending on piles of grapes like a Roman feast, and fruit juice, and bananas, and cookies! Plus a nice cake for the ladies and a gift for Nadia. I bought her a fine set of bone china tea cups & saucers packed in a beautiful round hatbox as a keepsake from Mena. We are going to go out with a bang! I will also write her a personal letter of thanks for the incredible start in life she has given our  daughter. 

And the one last thing that I did was buy a brand new dress for the orphanage. I am going to ask if they will accept it as a trade for the red dress Mena wore the first day we met. I would like her to have something to keep as a memory from her previous life. It's another thing she may be interested in when she gets older. Plus I am taking a little vial of earth from the orphanage, and a few flowers that  I will press in a book. I hope I am not forgetting anything else I could do. I think we will absolutely come back and visit one day, but who knows if the orphanage will still be there, or in the same lovely condition as it is currently. Tomorrow is going to be both happy and sad, so I'm going to try to make it as happy as possible.

Tropical Paradiso

One of bittersweet things about adopting a child past infancy is that you may grieve about all the stages of babyhood that you missed: first smile, first steps, first tooth. To be truthful about it though, I'm not that bothered. I like other people's babies, mainly because I'm not up all hours feeding them and changing their poopy diapers. I enjoy older kids more because they are more like small people. They have their own characters, ideas & opinions formed, and I like relating to who they are in these stages of childhood. The way I see it, Mena is still going to have a lot of firsts with us, because she's never lived in a family before. This is going to make for plenty of fun & hijinx!

Each time I visit I'm sure to bring a small treat for a snack. As I said before, the kids eat pretty good- they just lack fresh fruit & vegetables in a quantity that Canadians are used to, as they are pretty expensive by Ukrainian standards. Hell, many Canadian families don't eat enough either because they are expensive! In any case, I am having great fun watching Mena sample things for the first time. Probably the most exotic thing she has tried so far is pineapple. I bought one in the supermarket, and sliced it I to long sticks that she could hold, and I brought her 3 of them.

When I arrived she made a beeline to my bag of course to see what Ma had cooked up for today. I unwrapped the pineapple and gave her a spear. She took it in both hands and bit into it and got the shock of her life when she discovered how juicy and drippy it was! Juice was going down her front, her sleeves, all over her chin- it made such a mess! Of course Miss Tidy can't stand dirty hands, so she was looking everywhere for a Kleenex.I forgot to bring some so I told her to wait, and asked her if she wanted another which she waved away with her hand like I was Jeeves. Funny!

Yesterday was mandarin oranges. Same drippy experience ensued, this time we were both in stitches laughing and laughing. Then she tried jamming her hands into her coat pockets looking for kleenex- this kid is like an old lady always with the Kleenex, I swear! Again, neither of us had any, so she did the funniest thing: she made this face and shrugged- but she used her entire body to really capture the feeling of futility, and we both just looked at each other and began laughing again. There is something about her that's completely different to any child I have ever met; it's like she has such an old soul in her 4 year old body. Some of the mannerisms she has are really hysterical, and these are the moments I am going to remember forever rather than the "firsts" of babyhood that are missing. I think these ones are so much better, in any case.

And for any who disagree, I have 3 magic words for you: Already Toilet Trained.

Mena Leaves the Orphanage in 3 Days!

Well these next few blog entries are going to be quite bait shorter as I have to type them on my iPhone, which is going to give me a hand like a lobster claw. Somebody should invent a Homer Simpson style dialing wand for this thing!

Mena & I had a cool visit today.we've been playing tea party with these 2 little teddies, Mishka (who is the naughty one) & Mousey, who is good. Mishka is very impatient & demands tea all the time & then he drinks Mousey's tea too, & he jams his entire head in the teapot & gets into all kinds of trouble. Then I have to wag my finger at him while Mena is falling around the place laughing. It's our new favorite game- good thing I have a tea party set waiting for her at home!

Anyhow, after tea party we drew pictures again. We do this almost every visit, she really likes to draw. Perfect, right? But today she did something really cool, she drew a picture of Daddy, Mommy & Mena. She was making these deliberate interlocking circles, and I was trying to see her rationale for what she was drawing. So I pointed to each shape and asked her to confirm who it was. Then she tapped my arm and picked up this floppy large bunny and brought him over. She cradled him & smoothed his face & kissed his nose, then she put him back. It was when I saw where she put him that the circle idea made total sense: a bigger bunny was cradling the smaller bunny! I said, "Mena! I get it! I get it! Daddy is cradling Mommy, and Mommy is cradling you!" and I made rocking motions with my arms. "is that right?" and she answered, "Tak!" (Yes in Ukrainian)

What a concept for her to think up. My heart melted into a puddle. Also for the first time today she called me Mama totally unprompted when she was trying to get my attention from across the room. Up till now, she has been responding to instructions like from other people- give Mama the book, etc. But today it was Ina completely different context, it was the mark of understanding our relationship as me caring for her. It was so cool! I can't stop smiling about it. When I told her that I was so happy about that, she did it again shortly after when she wanted to give me a toy to put away on a shelf that was too high for her to reach.

So milestones, milestones. For about the last week when I leave, she tries to get her jacket to come with me. Another good sign that she's getting pretty ready to go. We talk about this every day, that soon it will be time to say goodbye to the names of all the kids, and then Mommy & Mena will go on a big airplane and then we will see Daddy again & we'll be a family forever. The women atthe orphanage are incredible too. They are also trying to teach her some English words like hello & goodbye. They are also explaining to her in Ukrainian that Daddy went up in the sky in an airplane to Canada and soon she will too. Again, we are so incredibly lucky that Mena's orphanage is so nice, but especially so for the quality of the people who work there. They are so dedicated to the children, so warm, so loving- it is the very reason these children are so bright, caring, polite, and adjusted. I can say that any child waiting for a family there is in amazingly capable hands & it is a good place to be. The kids are happy, well fed, and receive lots of attention & affectionate care. The Director is clearly passionate about her job and the caretakers reflect that. All things considered Mena has had a pretty good start in life, thanks to all of them. We're going to take lots of pictures so when she grows up she can see the women who took care of her, and raised her so well.

Crazy Court Day… and the Final Coincidence

It’s been impossible to post anything in the past few days because the internet has been up and down like a Jack-in-the-Box where we are staying. We were in Mukachevo yesterday for lunch, but I hadn’t written anything in time to upload. We are also literally going nuts with these colds- waking up at all hours of the night suffocating in your own snot doesn’t exactly make for ambitious mornings. I’m most worried about Mena though for flying home: a bunch of the kids in the orphanage are also sick, including her, and the main thing is that she doesn’t get an ear infection before we have to get on the plane. I did that once a few years ago as an adult when I went to visit my Mom in Vancouver and was flying home. I had no idea I even had an ear infection until we were in the air- and thank G-d I was sitting on my own in a row by the window- I wanted to howl I was in such intense pain, the tears were just pouring down my cheeks. It was like being tortured. There was no position you could move to to make it feel better, my knuckles were white clutching the chair arms, and it was a solid battering of breathless pain until we landed. (It’s only clicked just now that when my Dr did my medical for the adoption paperwork, he looked in my ear and said there was scarring, and did I ever have a lot of ear infections as a kid and I said no. I had completely forgotten the awful plane ride- but this must have been the result. Yikes!)

Anyhow, enough with medical mysteries. You came here to read about court, and I have to say it will be a day that will go down in adoption history, for certain! Well, it almost did for another reason than you think, but let me explain…

Our court appt was the 27th, a day after the Merry Unbirthday, as you know. We were so prepared for bringing the kids a fun party, but failing that we came back home with the cake, all the paper plates, packages of napkins, packages of little spoons, the candles, and the matches and a large cutting knife I borrowed from the kitchen downstairs- as I had no idea what the orphanage had and I just wanted to be self-service so nothing could make a balls of the day. We were bummed out, so we just had some supper and then stayed in our room watching more Ukrainian music video channels and then went to bed early so we’d be rested for the next day.

Vladimir arrived the next morning, and we all piled into the car. (I forgot to mention that Natasha came back to us from Kiev for the court appearance, so she was with us too. It was a sad day for her though, as the day before on the 14hr train ride, her mom called her to say that her Grandma had passed away and she was devastated. We told her if there was any way she could go home to do that- hell, after being here for 2 months now, honestly what difference would a few more days make for delaying court to when the judge could fit us in? Ha, we’re already living on tap water and Kraft Dinner when we get home, it’s not like we could be any more broke than we already are- this part I did not say out loud, obviously! She was dumbstruck that we suggested this. I just said if it was the other way around, it would be how I would wish someone would treat me. In the end she tried every train schedule and even looked into a plane, which by Ukrainian standards is an unimaginable luxury- but nothing would get her there in time for the funeral. So after speaking with her mom, she said that she would go home for the 9th and 40th days after for Mass to be with her family at that time instead. All of us were so sad about that. So we were pretty mindful about the fact that while we were celebrating the adoption of our daughter, Natasha was experiencing a loss at the same time. So we wanted a lower-key day to reflect that.) We drove to the courthouse, it was a bright, beautiful day that was cool but had the most perfectly blue sky against all the yellow leaves on the trees.

We entered the courthouse and were heading up the stairs when all of a sudden my high heel fell off like Cinderella on the staircase and clacked down. The noise made the security guard stop us, and he asked for us to come through the metal detector with our passports for inspection. He had a dopey security guard partner with him who was in charge of the metal detector while we presented our passports. Natasha went through first, then me, then Ois. The first guy wrote down all of our passport numbers then we were allowed to go back upstairs to the courtroom. Natasha was annoyed that we were even stopped in the first place, she thought he was just being a dick about it.

We sat upstairs in the long dim hallway (mint green) on some dark wooden benches and waited for our turn. People popped in and out of courtrooms and clacked down the hall in high heels. There was a big window at the end of the hall which was literally like the light at the end of the tunnel and I chuckled about that. It was like waiting for a doctor’s appt, but it felt much more serious and official. In whispers we wondered about other cases that might have been going on: murders? Epic robberies? Neighbors fighting over cattle? A judge in swirling black robes came out and went into another room and Natasha got up and followed him into his office, he was our judge. We sat there in silence and waited some more, then she came back out. I had the idea to have a picture of these last few moments before it all became official, so I began digging around in my purse for the iPhone- I used to laugh at ladies who had everything but the kitchen sink in their purses, like my Grandma who carried absolutely everything in there, and now I guess I’ve become one of them: Wet Ones, a map of Kiev, pens, Children’s Tylenol, a small Moleskine notebook, lipstick, Kleenex, business cards, ear phones, a juice box, an 11 inch stainless steel knife…

“OMG!” I yelped in a high-pitched whisper. Oisin and Natasha looked at me, alarmed. “What’s the matter?” Oisin hissed.

“I…. I…” I began as words failed me. I opened the bag and discreetly raised the knife handle up so they could see.

“WTF is that?” Oisin asked, and then the realization made him white as a sheet. “You can’t be serious!”

Natasha hadn’t seen what was going on, so I looked around to make sure nobody else was coming and I pulled the giant knife out of my purse to show her. Her mouth dropped open in surprise, then peels of silent laughter. She was crying and laughing and doubled up on the bench wiping her eyes as her entire body shook. Then we were all dying laughing, as quietly as we could be. When she could get a word out, she asked, coming up for air, “Why do you have  big knife in purse?” And I tried to explain I had taken it yesterday with the matches so we could cut the cake if the orphanage didn’t have everything we needed- and I had forgotten to return it to the kitchen. With all the new-Mommy crap in my handbag it had gotten buried at the very bottom and I hadn’t seen it. Er, oops. Can you IMAGINE what would have happened if the metal detectors went off? I asked, incredulously. “But they did go off when you went through!” Oisin exclaimed. “The old guy just either didn’t care enough to stop you, or he didn’t see the red flashing light- but I sure did!”

Oh, court day could have turned out verrry differently. On the way home Natasha was telling Vladimir what had happened in Ukrainian, and he was laughing and I said “Vladimir! Instead of visiting Mena at orphanage, you take Oisin to visit me in jail!” He understands a bit of English so he got that, and then as all our laughs were dying down and the car was quiet, he blurted out, “Oisin home… you, Merry Christmas!” and we all started laughing again.

When it was our turn to finally go in, the procedure took about 45 minutes. Natasha did instant translation as the judge spoke, she really should look into UN work. First he explained our rights, then he reviewed our documents to say on record everything was correct for the 2 jurors present (one guy who was wearing a grey shiny suit and looked like an extra from Eastenders or a bouncer, the other was an older guy that looked like a grandfather) then we went through the people who were present who supported the adoption: a representative from the Dept Office, the Regional Inspector, a representative from the orphanage, the state prosecutor, plus us. Then we had to answer questions on why we wanted to adopt: why Ukraine, why Mena. I said we chose Ukraine because of my family background, which the judge perked up on hearing and he asked where our family came from. When I answered about why Mena, I said because we would give her a chance at a good education, we would always keep her Ukrainian roots alive (the grandfather was very impressed at this remark and made a “hummph!” sound in approval as he nodded his head) and that we already love her to bits. Then he asked a couple other questions: Did we have a house large enough for a child, did I have any secret medical diseases, and did I drink. When I answered no to the last question, the judge asked me if I was sure I was really Ukrainian- and everyone in court laughed. Then he did similar questions with Oisin. After 45 minutes, he said there would be a 20 minute recess and he would return with his decision. (And we STUPIDLY forgot to ask him to waive the 10 days- I am still kicking myself over this! Gah!) Everyone left but Natasha, Ois and myself. We sat and looked around the small room, made a couple more jokes about the kitchen knife, and listened to a billy goat outside baaaaa. Natasha said even the billy goat gave his approval and we all chuckled again. Then the judge came back with the 2 jurors, and read a 3 page statement which basically summarized everything that had just been stated out loud in court. The last page though was the official declaration of the decree. When he got to the part where he said my (full) name as the mother of Mena, and Oisin’s name as the father of Mena, I have to admit that the waterworks started. I just couldn’t help it. It was the end of just over 2.5 years of deciding to start our family and all the ups and miserable downs that went along with it, and all the waiting and the worrying, and the thinking back to the times when it looked like our file might completely be rejected, and the stress about could we afford to even do it and would we be approved by the bank for our loan, and what if we didn’t find her after all of this… it all melted away. Finally we would be the three little fishies! Forever and always.

When we got back to the house, I asked Vladimir to please come in so we could eat yesterday’s birthday cake as today’s court approval cake, with a chaser of some too-sweet Ukrainian champagne. (It is taking all the self control I have not to put the word champagne in quotation marks here, BTW.) So we all gathered in the kitchen, us, Natasha, Vladimir, and I also asked Anna and her DIL Sveta to join us. We toasted to a day of new beginnings and thanks to all the people who helped us reach this day, and then we ate some of the grossest cake I have ever tried, LOL. It was probably a blessing in disguise we didn’t feed it to the kids. The cake itself tasted like nothing, and the icing required a shot of insulin afterwards. We saved a couple of pieces for Anna’s two young daughters (9 and 12) and even they didn’t like it, LOL. Then Anna asked us to please have supper with them later that night to celebrate- which was so lovely. The other Italian couple (who require stories in their own right, which I will try to get to) were going back to Italy, so they made a giant BBQ for all of us. It was absolutely delicious- I’m telling you, Canadians have nothing on Ukrainians when it comes to BBQ. We had pork shishkabobs in the most amazing marinade, and chicken wings, and a cabbage salad, and grilled potatoes with bacon on top, and pickled red peppers and 2 types of fresh bread, and Italian antipasti mushrooms, and other things I am forgetting. There was wine and a beautiful apple type cheesecake dessert that the Italian lady made, and we brought down a box of fancy chocolates that I bought in case of something like this happening and we’d be caught with nothing to contribute, and it was just an epic feast! It made me really miss travelling- being somewhere where everyone tries to communicate in their own language and there are hand signals and a lot of laughing as some people understand and others get it totally arseways… such fun. And once again, for the life of me I don’t know how 2 people could be any luckier than we are with meeting exactly the right people at exactly the right time who are so kind and generous and helpful to us. It was a fantastic end to a fantastic day.