Well we have some crummy news to report. It seems that one of the couples here will be going home after almost 7 weeks without a child.
We are all so sad for them- it is really, truly not fair. And personally, I am beginning to get pissed off. I can’t wag fingers at any of the wonderful people here who are working on our behalf- because they have been just great so far, but I am beginning to have a raised eyebrow at our agency in Montreal. Look, being realistic, it takes about 9 months to a year to gather and complete all paperwork before it’s sent to Ukraine to secure an invitation to travel and get your initial appointment. Lots can happen in that time- and we are proof positive that it has. They have no control over laws that Ukraine passes- they only work with the information that changes with a blow in the ear for what’s coming, which anyone would get working in any professional industry. But there are 3 couples who are all going to be showing up here fresh and new in the next 2 weeks, and they *do* know the kind of stuff that is happening right this minute with all the difficulties and the kids that are being shown with HIV and Hepatitis C and everything else, not to mention the fact that more than one couple now in the past few months has returned home childless.
Personally, I don’t think they should be sending over anyone else to throw the dice when it has become this bad. At the very least, I hope the other couples preparing to buy plane tickets are being told just how unstable the adoption situation is right now and are being given the option NOT to travel, and to take the services fees they have already applied and to transfer them to another country if they wish to do so. Look, if it was someone telling me this I guess part of me would think, “oh, this won’t happen to us, we’ll just go anyways and see for ourselves” but then another part might just be alarmed enough to stop and take a safer bet, even if it meant starting back at square one again. But that choice should be made by the couple in question- with ALL of the most current information at hand, not pipe dreams.
Everyone is telling us this isn’t how it was a while ago- you showed up, children were lined up at the orphanage and you got to choose to visit with a few, then see their medical stats, and then decide what to do. There were so many children needing homes, your heart broke for another reason and that was who to choose to join your family. Now it’s exactly the opposite.
And at the very least, if the agencies dealing with Ukraine don’t stop taking new files, then it should be up to the SAI in Quebec, which is our very own government agency that should be REFUSING to open any new files for families who wish to adopt from Ukraine. The buck really should stop with them: they are in charge of licensing the agencies to work in the province and giving ultimate permission for a family to adopt with whichever country- so if they are getting complaints from families who were unsuccessful or ran into problems in Ukraine, then they should be closing down the country so more Quebec families don’t experience the emotional or financial strain that comes with failed international adoption! Is anybody asking this basic question? Because I think we need to start making a stink about what it’s been like over here. It’s one thing to be out $25K before you leave, but to then sit here like idiots for 6-8 weeks spending more and more money and putting yourself, your job and your marriage under increasing amounts of stress before you return home anyways broken hearted and the rest of your life savings depleted is something else. That is pure irresponsibility, and someone should be held accountable. The SAI in Quebec has all of this information on how many adoptions went through from every country open to Quebeckers, and how many files failed. But if nobody elects to fill them in on reasons of WHY the adoptions failed,and make an almighty stink, they’re not going to bother their arses to do anything about it unless pressure is applied.
No matter what the outcome is for us- happy or sad, when I get back home, I’m going to do exactly that. It’s so easy to sit back and do nothing, especially if it all turns out for you and you have a new family member and life is swell- but IMHO that’s all the more reason to speak up, because not everyone has been as lucky as you.
You know, when you do IVF and what not, you understand the fact that medicine can’t do everything perfectly 100% of the time, because it’s science and bodies, and the “great unknown”. But adoption is seen as a “sure thing”. You get checked out, you pass your homestudy, you get approved by the government at home, your agency and the government abroad… and you eventually come home with a child. There is no science or mystery there: it’s all down to human beings who already exist and the simple decisions people who work in the child welfare system respectively make. It shouldn’t be a Russian Roulette situation- pardon the pun- where you reach the final hurdle and then somebody decides to raise the bar so high that jumping over is impossible at the very last minute.
As my mom has always told me from the year dot, growing up: The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Everybody needs to start being squeaky as hell.
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