The Buck Stops Here!

Today I want to tell a secret. Some of you are already in on it, but I am going to let the cat out of the bag.

I have posted for the last 13 years on a particular chat board with a bunch of women from all over the world, which I affectionately call, “The Ladyboards”. More than one book could be written about these girls- we have all followed each other’s lives through dating, marriages, divorces, babies being born, turning into teenagers, getting married themselves, new jobs, new houses, life-changing illnesses and getting well again, family trials and tribulations and Chi hairdryers. (LOL) Some of us have travelled across the world to meet each other in person, some of us have never left our homes. All of us are deeply connected to each other and the friendships that have made over all of these years have truly been life-changing. No matter what the situation, a minimum of one of these incredible women will have lived through it or something similar, and will be a human poncho for whatever hits the fan in life. They are the greatest coaches, they are the biggest cheering squad when you need it, and it’s a real life miracle that so many good and talented people are all in one place.

We have so many friends and family rooting for us and we are thankful beyond measure for each and every email of support & encouragement we have been so fortunate to receive. But this one is for The Ladyboards, today.

I woke up, wondering what the day was going to have in store. I left O snoozing in bed and I turned on the laptop (the only time I seem to be able to ever get it!) and checked in. It had been a hard day the previous day with the appt that never materialised. And then I looked at my thread where I’ve been filling the girls in on the entire adoption process from the get-go, and what did I see but message after message after message full of more love & support than I could even imagine. Even more than the usual treasure trove. This week has been a giant test of faith, but the resounding chorus was, “It doesn’t matter if you feel like giving up, because we’re here sending prayers even when your words stick in your throat, and when the load gets too heavy to move even one more step, we’re going to make a human chain and carry it for you.”

I can’t even communicate how much these words have meant to me over the past weeks in particular. Today they were like a conduit for lightening, and they gave me such a zap of renewed energy and strength because I have no other place left inside me to pull it from. I got into a scalding hot shower, brought out the double loofah mitts, and scrubbed away raw under the water. Enough is enough now. There is too much work left to do- and feeling sad isn’t going to accomplish much other than greasing up a downward spiral. I will NOT give up! We’ve come too damn far to quit now, so what if it’s hard and draining and it generally sucks. So does living for years in an orphanage with no family- Mena is out there and she’s not complaining. The very least we can do is be strong and collected and determined for her sake, if for no one else’s. My iron resolve has kicked in and I’m taking no prisoners!

Since there is only so much you can see or do for free here, I spent the morning sending a few emails to some places connected with Chabad Ukraine, asking if they could use a couple of volunteers for anything while we are here anyways: soup kitchen, stuffing envelopes- I don’t care. But I am sick and tired of wasting time when I could be doing something valuable. In any case, something has changed- no more moping around, worrying, and preparing for the worst. We are lucky to be here, to get to see and experience this city while we are here for such an extended time period. We are going to enjoy it and make the most of it no matter what comes of it.